This month, athletes from around the
world are descending upon Sochi to represent their country. You’re not participating. You are going to be watching on TV because that’s what you’re best at. But it’s important that you maximize this
experience for peak enjoyment. First, make your environment more Russian. Put on traditional Ushanka. Have a babushka lady cook you a meal
of boiled potatoes Then eat them from nested
Matryoshka dolls. Turn your bathroom into a Banya. Don’t be bashful.
These guys have seen it all. Most of the actual competition
will happen while you’re asleep Because time zones. Travel there in dream state By listening to mixtape of
winter sports sounds. During your waking hours, watch as many
events as possible, simultaneously. This will give you the opportunity to finally use
that second eyeball. Enjoy the inception like experience of curling while watching curling. Dont get cute and have snowboarding
session while watching snowboarding. If you must leave the house keep the spirit that the games alive by
dressing like an ice dancer. You’ll learn a thing or two about
teamwork. Assume the posture of a ski jumper
while urinating. Finally remember that seeing your fellow
countrymen or women on the podium Can be an emotional experience for some. Feel free to cry, if you must. Okay that’s enough. It’s just a bronze.