*national anthem* Stand for the national anthem, damnnit! *wapish* Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies! My name is jacksepticeye And welcome to the 19th annual Japan World Cup! (grammophone) Are you all ready? Have you all placed your bets? I hope you have It’s going to be an uproarious day, a day of surprises, a day of money, a day for the whole family! I have no idea what I’m doing.. AH, YES! Welcome, one and all, to the Japan World Cup! I am your host, Jacksepticeye It’s gonna be a wonderful day; the sky is blue, the colors are blooming! People are speaking japanese. Lots of things happening.. WORLD CUP TOKYO! *laughter* I dunno whats going on Okay, okay. We’re gonna have to pick a winner, We’re gonna have to pick a horse. I am going.. for number two; France! There we have, number one from Japan, a real winner. A rea- there’s a reason they’re number one. Here we go, yesss! Oh, the burlesque beauty! *clapping* Yes, number two, France! France! France! This is our horse, this is the horse that I race. This is what we’re gonna do! We’ve got this, we’re gonna win this! Look at that mask! Ain’t no fuckin’ wind getting into their eyes. Oh, god. How are we gonna- oh number three I didn’t know he was in this race. Pompadour-fedor from Japan. Ohh noo.. The world-reining champion How are we ever gonna beat him? The tandem twins from America. It’s gonna be a hard-fought race, everybody. Have you all got your pamphlets ready? I hope so. It’s gonna be one for the record books, it’s a great day out today I’ve got- I got some ice cream earlier, it was fan-tastic. Man, I just love this time of year. Number five, yes. Uhh, on- on the panda. It’s just not a horse race. Sometimes you’ve got to put in a panda in there. For some reason.. Uhh, Mister Miyagi from China. Here, uhm *laugh* A real winner, a real winner. I feel- firmly believe. Awww The tiny Australian with their Shetland Pony. It’s fine, we don’t discriminate, we’re allowed to have children in the world cup aswell. They- they’re allowed t’go. Okay, okay. OFFICIALS! Can we get some officials in here? That’s clearly a badger dressed up as an elephant, dressed up as a horse! Are we- We’re allowing this? Okay, what do I know? All I am is a fuckin’ commentator. Oh, yes. Here we have number seven- nummmber eight! For some reason it’s just two men in a barrel. They thought that this was a soap box derby but it’s not, it’s the World Cup. We’ll allow it because, lets face it, they’re not gonna win. Think french, think france I mean- Oui bonjour! Here we go! Yess! *clapping* Everybody in! I love this time of the year; it’s just such a good day. Look at all the people turnin’ out; ready for the world cup! Yes! I- I’ve got a good feelin’ about this. I’ve a lot of money ridin’ on this. I have alot of money riding on this! C’MON NUMBER TWO! OH! The tandem twins are out in front already. It’s a long race ahead tho. WHAT ARE THEY DOING?! You can’t dance on your horse! There we are, France. In 3rd! Two is in 3rd and three is in 2nd! It’s- it makes no sense! Hold onto yer asses! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? You cant fuckin’ side-swipe! *laughter* Oh my god, this is fuckin’ weird… Ok, go! Of course you’re loosing. You’re not even a real horse! Go back to Africa! *nod* Yeah, I had a feelin’- I told you these guys weren’t gonna win. I told you they didnt have a hope in Hell; it’s just two men. HOW ARE YOU- How are you in 4th by running sideways? OHH, Ohh they’re out of the race! Oh, the soap box derby racers are gone! It’s only up to tandem twins, pompadour-fedor and burlesque frenchie. Oh, but hold on.. Number four, the side-swipe, is coming up close! It’s a close race! Who’s gonna be in the lead? YES! CMON, FRANCE! WHIP THAT HORSE! Oh, side-sweep is taking the lead! But not by a whole lot, they are running sideways, not the way a horse would traditionally run! This is a new form of evolution! The tandem twins! Their horse is elongating! OH, BUT LOOK OUT! Pompadour-fedor has got his fuckin’ jet-engine on top of his horses head! Oh, it looks like it might be all over for number two and france! OOOH!!! Spinning it’s way to victory! SIDE-SWIPE!! WITH THE WIN! Oh, I can’t even be angry at that one, Jerry, back in the studio. Because that is just a GLORIOUS victory, there. For, uhm.. for.. country! For team! Yes. That’s only one race! One race out of many to come! Yes, here we go. Right. We are going for number seven this time. Can’t remember what number seven is. I just like the number seven. Seven is… the elephant. Where- I-we- apparently I’m rooting for the elephant this time. Anything can happen! Anything can go in this race! It’s all down to this… The elephant not doing that bad- fuckin’ you can’t sidestep again, it’s not gonna work this time! We got you this time. It’s in the bag for eleven- Ah. Seven el-le-elephant! *finger snap* Think about it, there we are. Oh, OH NUMBER TWO IS TAKING THE LEAD! NUMBER TWO OUT IN FRONT! Pompadour-fedor has his banana-whistle out again! Swingy-arm-sideways is going up in front! OH! But tandem-twins are elongating! THE PANDA JUST TOOK HIS TRAINER IN HIS ARMS AND IS ROLLING TO VICTORY! JESUS CHRIST, THE ELEPHANT! CALM DOWN, will ya? That’s how you win though. Seven! Seven El-le-elephant! GO! GO, ELEPHANT, GO! OH, PHOTO-FINISH! Oh, who’s it gonna be?! *yelling* IT’S THE ELEPHANT! HE WINS IT FOR JACK AND FOR BADGER Elephant and horse kind all around His trainer might be dead, but, you will go down in the annals of history as THE BEST Damn elephant- HORSE… racer the world has ever seen… Oh, yes! Place your bets, place your best! I’ve got two for one-on-one, two for $2, $2 and two-two, $4 and four-four, $5, $5, $6, oh yes! Oh, the bets are coming in! The bets are coming in for the shetland pony! America, out in front as always. But they don’t keep the lead for long, pompadour-fedor in 2nd along with burlesque france in 3rd. Comin’ up back, coming up in 4th, it’s side-swipe. Just looks like a regular horse right now but we all know he’s got a few tricks up his sleeves. Oh, there it is! The regular-old side-swipe. The shetland pony, coming in in 5th. 4 uh, 5th, uh 6th is the panda! Not gonna win it this time. The elephant. We saw him win the last race, but its- is it gonna come down? Is it gonna work this time? Oh, but the soap box derby horse. Always in last. Always ready to give up. Oh, its gonna be a close race. We’ve got a few people leading up for 1st. But we’ve got the shetland pony coming in the back. Oh, my money is on the shetland pony this time! Rumor has it that a lot of bets have been placed on the shetland pony. A lot of people are gonna get a pay out of if the shetland pony wins. Side-swipe doin’ his regular-old jazz hands. Followed by the troublesome-tandem–twins in 2nd. Are they gonna elongate this time? Pompedour-fedor makes his way to the front again, but who’s it gonna be? Elephentitus is bouncing up and down! OOH! Tandem-twins have got their pump-action ready to work! Oh no! the elephant, seven elelephant- WOOH- ONE! IT’S THE TANDEM-TWINS! :O All that pumping up, all that power. It was to fuel the jet engine in the back of the horse! That is it! The race is over! Ohh alot of people are sad this time. But because number seven came in 2nd again, it is declared the overall winner! *trumpet sound* It’s the last race of the day. This one will decide everything. Oh, I’ve got a place on one and I’ve got a prize on two I’ve got a price on two- who we goin’ for this time? (idk) Oh, I’m thinking, uhh.. Ah, shit I forgot which horse is-a which. It’s ok, we’re gonna see a winner. I’m- my money’s on the panda this time. What is your money on? Who is your favorite horse? I wanna know who everybody’s favorite horse is. Well, h-“horse.” Is it the Pompadour-fedor? Is it the tandem-twins? Is it the burlesque frenchie? Is it side-swipe? Is it shetland pony? Pandasaurus-Rex? Elephentitius/Seven Elelepant? Or the soap box derby racer? Write down which is your favorite horse. Oh, look at the shetland pony. Bouncin’ along. My money’s on panda bear this time. Oh, the soap box derby racer is out again! That is it for them! They failed every single time! They cannot win the race at this rate. Who- Who’ve we got? Who we got? We’ve got side-swipe out in action again. Oh, the race is looking very familiar at this point in time. But as the race progresses, We are gonna see some crazy action. Pompadour-fedor, trying his best to get out in front, but we all know it comes down to the last 100 meters. Here we go, come on panda! Oh, its close.. It’s very close! OHH, NO! He got– WHAT THE F*CK? Burlesque frenchie took off her clothes! NOW THEY’RE ALL NAKED!! What is this!? What kind of race has this become? OHH NO?! They’re all running around in a circle! Oh, its gonna come down to the wire! Who’s gonna break away? Who’s gonna break away and win this? Who’s it gonna be? Come on, panda! C’mon, panda! We got this! We got- who’s it gonna be? OOoooh!! OOOOOOOOOOOOH!!! OOH– *trumpet sound* OH, THE SOAP BOX DERBY RACER! Took the advantage! Not out, after all! I can’t take this chaos! The world cup is crazy! We’ve had a long day here today. We’ve seen horses twirl, we’ve seen people get naked and do the ganganama style ontop of a horse, We, DIDN’T see that.. Thats.. fuckin’ cray– What the Hell is going on? We saw the rocket horse. The rocket horse’s arse leading the way to victory. The panda. This is the thing you needed to do in the beginning to win. Shetland pony.. Always cute Always winning. I hope you’ve had fun here today. I hope you’ve had fun at this World Cup of horses and races. I have absolutely no idea what happened. That was the weirdest shit ever *laughter* I dunno, I just saw this somewhere and I bought it and then decided to play it. *chuckle* It’s so fuckin’ funny.. *breath* Awww it’s the best, I love it so much Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching whatever this was If you liked it, PUNCH that like button in the face, like a BOSS! AND! High fives all around! *high fives noise* But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEOOOO! *Outro Music: I’m Everywhere – Teknoaxe* Not gonna lie, some of the weirdest twenty minutes of my life. *laugh* I love that it just says “Idiots” at the end.