Old Video Games: Pope John Paul Racing, The Beatles Game

Old Video Games: Pope John Paul Racing, The Beatles Game


-Last year, going through
my parents´s attic, I found my first
video-game system. This was a system that predated Nintendo, Atari, and television. It was the Jorbus. You guys probably
remember the Jorbus. It was made by Montgomery Ward. And just a fantastic
video-game system. And ever since
I´ve pulled it out, I´ve been playing
my games nonstop. And I have to say — Jorbus´
games — ahead of their time. And I would love to take
a look at some of them now, in a segment we call
“Old Video Games.” [ Cheers and applause ] This first Jorbus classic
was inspired by the music of The Beatles, and
it´s called “The Beatles Game.” Now, the game is
actually set very late in The Beatles´ career, when
they all wanted to break up. So what happened was — you played, and, as a kid, this
was really exciting. You played as
producer George Martin and you had to drag each
Beatle to their instrument to force them to
record another album. So, you know,
for example, Here you go. First, you would grab Paul
and you´d sort of drag him over. -To play music. -And then you´d
go get John, you know? -No. -And then you´d,
you know, go get Ringo. -Peace and love. -And then you´d go
and get George. But then they´d start wanting —
There goes Paul. He left. You know, and
then you´d get George, but then there goes John. And it was really frustrating. And then the thing was — finally, you would get
the four Beatles together, and then they´re about to play some of your
favorite Beatles hits. But then Yoko Ono shows up. And everyone would leave,
except John. -[ Screaming ] I mean, as a kid… As a kid, nothing was more fun
than hearing Yoko do her thing. Next up, this game was inspired
by the popular game “Pong” but was catered
more to marijuana fans. It was “Bong.” And the game basically had
the same concept of “Pong,” except instead of paddles,
you had bongs. The game replicated the reaction
time of a marijuana user. Let´s take a look. You could play
that game for hours. And then you´d figure out it had only been 15 minutes,
but it felt like hours. You guys remember
the game “Minesweeper”? -Yeah! -Jorbus had a
game called “Mimesweeper.” And in this iconic game, you played as
a Frenchman hell-bent on ridding the streets
of Paris of mimes. So you basically
walk down the street and you press “A”
to punch a mime. And that was very nice. And the mimes would
try to fight back, but since they were mimes,
they didn´t actually weapons. They would just fake them. And then, if you hit
“A” and “B” together, you could use a breadstick. [ Audience groans ]
French bread. These aren´t real mimes.
You don´t have to groan. And it was just a lot of fun.
It was really a lot of fun. [ Cheers and applause ] This last game — with all
due respect to “Mario Kart,” this was the greatest racing
game of all time. It was inspired by
the Popemobile, and it´s called
“Pope John Paul Racing.” And in this game,
you play as Pope John Paul II and you race against
the Devil himself. And you get
all sorts of power-ups. You know, you get
a holy-water cannon, and then you can shoot
the Devil with that. Of course, the Devil —
he played dirty. Oh, no. But then, when it looked like
you were gonna lose, you get picked up by God´s hand. And then you do the
Pope John Paul Victory Dance. Give it up for
the Jorbus, everyone.

67 Replies to “Old Video Games: Pope John Paul Racing, The Beatles Game”

  1. This segment was weak. Who is this for? Gamers aren't interested in something that displays a total lack of any real knowledge of the industry and people who don't play games certainly aren't drawn in by something like this…it was just confusing what they were going for.

  2. 6 years ago, I made a 3D mobile race game called "Pope Racer" for my brother, who is a well-known catholic priest. In the game you're inside a popemobile, racing against a bunch of cardinals (in popemobiles) in and around St.Peter's Basilica in Vatican City. You could even play as a girl! The winner would become the next pope.

    Due to Apple's restrictive, political correct approval procedure at the time (ask cartoonist Mark Fiore!), the game never made it into the app store (Android Market was still quite small), although my brother loved the game. Seth Meyers' vintage arcade racer would have been more fun though!

  3. I wish we could all stop pushing the idea that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles. It's racist, sexist and simply not true.

  4. I laughed, so yeah, it was funny. But I can't help it…I HAD an Atari when I was a kid. Graphically, what Seth is showing is generations ahead of what he's claiming!

  5. the p0pe dance was horrific
    and the speed on bong would progress faster and faster till you pass out and find pizza

  6. Eh, my ideas for a Beatles video game were much better, published online years ago

    The Abbey Road 1968 – 1969 Level:

    Level where you have to thwart Paul from taking over the band.

    … and one of the Bosses is Yoko Ono as you try and remove her bed from the Studio as she comes at you with scissors trying to snip your clothes off, and a camera trying to film your bum, all the while screaming avant gardely. Your only weapons are guitar picks, but if you're playing as Ringo, and you've succeeded in thwarting Paul a level back, you have drumsticks at your command.

    John remains trapped in a duffel bag full of Orange Peels as you slowly run out of picks.

    Bonus Points Levels are trying to get them across the Abbey Road crossing as various brightly coloured Volkswagon Beetles zoom by. This is up to 4 players of course, but you can tackle it as 1 player.

    The Rishikesh Level.
    This is where you play as either John or Paul trying to discover the answer. George cannot be played during this level, as he was just there for the food. If you are Ringo, you are armed with Heinz Baked Beans cans. The end Boss is the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, floating in yoga position hurling paneer pakora's at you that explode. Each one that hits you gives you the runs, which depletes your energy levels.

    If you go in as John or Paul, you are only armed with an acoustic guitar which can be used as a 'swinging weapon'. If you win, you get to write Sexy Sadie bitching about the whole thing, or Blackbird and say it was about Equal Rights.

    George returns to roll his eyes at the end of the level if you succeed.

    …And the last stage of the video game is a bunch of law suits against EMI. You don't actually press many buttons over the 30+ years it takes to complete the stage, and rumor has it (supplied by hackers who extracted the video) the ending is just the promo video for Rain… played backwards.

    The Magical Mystery Tour Level:

    Which is you just driving a Coach Bus trying to avert disaster.

    Various objects in the road to avoid:
    Walruses
    Dwarves
    Slippery Patches of Spaghetti
    Long Montages of Beach Footage
    Victor Spinetti

    End Boss is Paul trying to film it. Your only weapon is acid, to try and make sense of it all, or to destroy the negatives. Whichever comes first.

    The Break Up Level

    This is where the Race Is On to get to the local newspapers to announce that you've left The Beatles. It's everybody for themselves as you dodge accountants, lawyers, Allen Klein and crazed fans trying to stop you on your mission.

    Each player has different ''strengths'' to get them to the papers. You can sabotage another player at the same time as dodging all the people that are trying to stop you.

    Winner gets to take it to court. Loser gets stuck with Allen Klein. He's the Final Boss before you get to publish your story.

  7. I would how you really win in the beatles games😂before Yoko comes and do her thing😂😂🤣

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *