“You don’t get a place here,
you make it.” [Radio chatter] Good Morning Number 1,
with Malishka! Open your eyes, peep outside,
watch the sunrise, see the city… I’m sleeping right now. The alarm’s gonna ring in 30 seconds and my life will change. Until then,
I’ll tell you a bit about myself. I may not find the time later. I’ll get busy, you see. Grandpa used to say,
“work hard and success will be yours”. Though he neither worked hard himself,
nor became successful. But he had a way with words. I’m a small-towner,
where even success is often small. For example,
Uncle Pappu is considered the most successful man
in my town, Meerut because he made it
to the Limca Book of Records. Till date.. he hasn’t cut his nails! Earning loads of money
is not my definition of success. I define it as becoming such an
important part of people’s lives that they can’t imagine
a life without it. I don’t want to live an uneventful life. I want to cause a ripple. That’s why I moved to Mumbai. Try stopping me now.
– Turn off the lights, jackass! It’s just an internship,
you’ve not become a diplomat! “With my destiny in tow, I set off..” “..only to arrive
in the city of dreams.” “A turn of fate,
brought me to Bombay.” “My boss messed up
my daily schedule.” “I swear by my grandpa,
I’ll be on top one day.” “Y’all had a lot to say..
but not today, not to me.” “My heart says,
your dreams will come true one day.” “Run away.. Run away..
keep running till you find your heart.” “Come again..Come again..
‘cos you never know what life’s got!” Hey.. hello! Where to? Internship.
– What is that? Move aside, let them pass.
Come here. What is it? Uncle, this is just the stage
prior to getting a confirmed job. Like meeting the prospective bride
before a wedding. This is just that. Who goes to meet the bride these days? Nowadays, they’ve already seen
everything beforehand, isn’t it? Your name? Spandan Chukya. Not Chutya (expletive),
but Chukya, with a ‘K’. My name is Spandan Chukya. Alright, do you have a letter?
– Yes. Don’t you have your glasses, uncle? I did, it broke. I’ll buy another one
with the next salary, be patient. Uncle, try this one. Somewhat legible now,
the stamp is fine.. here you go. Thank you.
– Here. You can keep it,
I have a spare. You can return it when you buy yours. Go on. Take up the ‘job’ before the job. Thank you. F**k! F**k Sheila! F**k! Hey dude!
Pass me some toilet paper, man. Hey, I’m talking to you.
Pass me the paper quickly, buddy! C’mon, hurry up. Hurry up, man
Fast, fast, give it to me. Sheila, you don’t know
who you’re dealing with. I’ll make you pay
for every single rash! You don’t know who is.. Wet it. I can’t use this. This is single ply. This is not even toilet paper,
this is some sand paper! Sheila, I’m going to
hump you till it hurts! You don’t know
what I’m going to do to you! Oh f**k! New? Intern. Flush it. Make a note. Cleaning up the sh*t
of the seniors is the responsibility
of the juniors. Don’t they teach it
in B-schools? How do you know I’m an MBA? I know this sh*t. Look me in the eye, Sheshe. Sheshe.. you’re not listening to me. I want my toilet paper. Don’t you know that
using single ply gives me rashes? I want my soft, baby-touch,
with aloe vera coated ones now. Send a request by email, Ganesh. Subject line,
‘extra-soft tissue paper – I get rashes’ and cc to accounts.
You’ll get it as soon as it’s approved. Do you think this is a f**king joke? I’ll shut the entire IT operations, which practically means
shutting the whole f**king place down. Do it. One day, I’m going to
hack into that phone of yours and crush your f**king candies. I’ll crush your nuts. Move! Madam, are you Sheila?
– No. Madam, I’m Spandan.
The new intern. In the appointment letter,
I’ve been asked to approach you. Allot me some work, please. I have no work for you. Then whom do I go to
for the work, madam? Go figure. I know one place. Yes! Yes!‘Delicious!’Good morning, sir.
– Good morning. Good morning, sir.
– That’s fine. Who are you? Terrible font choice,
send me the reports again. Kalpesh, stop downloading porn.
– No, sir. ‘Missionary impossible’,
I can see it. And Sheshe, please stop
sending me Candy Crush requests. Good morning, sir.
Looking very dashing today, sir. Yeah, I got new fans,
can you feel the cold breeze? Good morning, sir. Sir, I’m a big fan of yours.. Spandan. I know who you are, Spandan Chukya. You know me? 725 emails, 250 letters, 20 video messages telling me
my digital strategy is all wrong. How can I not recognise you? No sir, you’re misunderstanding me. I didn’t mean that..
– Don’t give me explanations. I have a very important
assignment for you. Are you upto it? Certainly, sir.
I’ll put my heart and soul into it. That’s fine, but remember to apply gel
on your hair from tomorrow. Idiot! It’s clean chacha! How much more are you going to wipe it? Being busy is an illusion, son. The one who learns to be busy here, doesn’t have to bother
about being actually busy. Do nothing, look busy. Learn it. They don’t teach
these things in B-schools. They don’t teach us
to make tea either in B-schools, Chacha. Why are you working so hard, son? There’s a machine installed.
Fill up the cups and distribute it. Chacha, this machine spews muck
in the name of tea. Moreover, it’s the only work I have. I’m going to do it well. You.. try this. Sip carefully, it’s hot. Fantastic! That’s how I am. Once I’m on it, I don’t quit. And if I quit, I never get back. May victory be yours! Excuse me, your tea. No, thank you. It’s not from the machine. Mili. Mili.. Spandan. Nice to meet you.. you’re welcome.
– Thank you. Candy Crush! What the f**k is wrong with you! Who the hell hired this guy?
– I’m so sorry, sir. I will.. Let it be. Bloody idiot! Prerana, provocative pictures
are against the law. You don’t wanna mess
with the law in this country. But that’s for women, right? We can’t objectify women, I know that. But that law is not on men. We can actually have
fit men on the campaign. And having men on
packaging of condoms is a cliche because everybody has done it.
You cannot use that design. It’s just a condom. I can’t think of anything better. Let me see. Can I say something, sir? Yes, tell me. Sir, we can use both boys and girls. I mean,
if we make the packaging romantic, instead of making it about sex. Have you even seen a condom packet ever? I have manufactured condoms. We have condom factories
back home, in Meerut. I used to work there for pocket money. Sir, from what I’ve seen in Mumbai, the boys and girls, couples, they go to parks, seaside or sit on their bikes,
parked along the highway. Sir, we can use such real footage. And we can provide
a QR code on the packaging. Whenever they scan it
with their phones, it will play a YouTube video. This way, you’ll have an
interactive video, like sex education. There’s a social message too.
So nobody’s going to call it illegal. I’m not too convinced. Prerna,
why don’t you give this a shot? It’s a crooked idea, but.. Why don’t you both
discuss this and make a presentation? Maybe by this evening
we’ll have something! Thanks for the tea, man.
– Thank you, sir. So tell me, madam.
Where do we start? Get me another cup of tea. With less sugar. Madam, I’ll get the tea,
but regarding what sir was saying.. Believe me. A good cup of tea
will make my job easy. Go on. Ok, madam. This one’s on the bull’s eye.
C’mon.. c’mon.. Not bad. Tea-boy! Kalpesh, just check with Siri what Chukya means. Sure. Siri, what is a Chukya? `’Chutya’ or ‘Shutya’ is a cuss word derived from the Hindi word ‘Ch*t’,
which means vagina.. Vagina! Quite versatile! Chukya.. Do you understand English
or should I explain? There goes Chukya! This villager won’t last two days! He stopped! Forgot the tip? Give it.. hey sonny! He’s turning.. Bhaiyaji, can you tell me
what a f**king c**t is? [Shutter Clicks] You’re going to pay for this, Chukya! F**k! ‘Always cut your coat
according to your cloth, Spandan.’ ‘Had you been serious about me, you wouldn’t have even
thought of moving to Mumbai.’ ‘The boy’s horoscope looks bad.’ ‘If he goes to Mumbai,
his future’s going to be dark.’ I didn’t make it, it was the new boy. There he is! Where were you? They want the tea you make,
not the one from the machine. You asked for it! Though I was feeling bad
for the tea vending machine. But I understood one thing clearly. You don’t get a place here,
you make it. She’s the trouble
that you haven’t encountered yet. The head of this think-tank, Rati. Darts game? Are you crazy? Don’t worry, Spandan.
Ganesh has always been a poor finisher. If you lose,
you’ll be my intern for a year.