How Not to Drive with Dan and Phil

How Not to Drive with Dan and Phil


P: Hello DanAndPhilGAMES Tooters! D: I’m in me mum’s car vroom vroom. P: *Laughs* how did I not think of that? *Boop Boop* D: Now a well established Amazingphil fact that everyone must know is that he can’t drive P: hey! I’ve got driving licence D: and that is terrifying P: don’t- [D: this is a whole thing] – question me *Laughs* D: and it is terrifying and today I thought we could do something very wholesome P: yeah D: that will hopefully improve Phil’s lives and make it less scary for all of us potentially in the future by playing a Driving game. P: Oh, god. D: now, we’re gonna do this again on the 1 plus who have sponsored this from- remember from the pub G video they’ve actually got a new phone coming out that’s called the 1 plus 6T and they’ve got a whole promo going on at the moment That’s called ‘unlock your speed’ which is very relevant, because we’re talking about Phil. P: I don’t think I should unlock my speed *Both Laughing* P: I think that would be a mistake D: Phil’s speed- You should keep it to 20 at all times P: Stay of the sidewalks! D: But there is actually a little competition that we’re gonna talk about just for the people watching this video P: Yeah. D: later in the video. So if you like free stuff Stick around. P: so full disclosure. I have had four driving tests and about 75 lessons D: I think they know this, right? like you- your driving instructor won the lottery, didn’t care [P: no] and let loose a monster onto the roads that could murder any of us. P: hey, I passed the test. I was just very busy Like “what are you gonna do with your lotto winnings? When are you gonna park your boat?” D: But you can’t drive, right? P: I haven’t driven since I was 18 so that would be a biiig mistake D: Phil has some.. Mild directional insanity. P:Yeah. D: a bit of a lack of general common sense, and attention span P: sometimes my mind wanders as well *Laughs* so I’d be driving and I’d forget, I’d forget I’m driving D: sometimes you just get distracted thinking about lunch P: Yeah. D: and that’s relatable, [P: but not when you’re behind] but not while driving. P: a death machine D: So I’m gonna test you today with a hardcore racing game. P: Oh God. D: called Asphalt 9. P: Dan, if you were my driving instructor You would have a giant mustache which I think would suit you.. D: would it? P: Yeah D:Where did you go? P: I went and go some mustaches D: Oh for- P: Look, if we’re playing- D: this is so P: If you’re being my dri- D: not all driving instructors have mustaches P: No, but mine DID and if you D: I had a lady driving instructor. [P: if you want to] and a ginger guy, and he had no facial hair P: Look if you want me to be in the zone I’m gonna have to imagine you’re my driving instructor So you’re gonna have to put one of these on. D: they’re all covered in like lint from the bottom of our chest P: that makes it more realistic D: Oh, wow, what a choice. P: there we go. D: I am now a driving instructor *Tries not to laugh* P: Now scream in terror and grab the wheel from me and we’re all set. D: Christ!! I said right!! Merge!! Merrggee!! P: that’s exactly what it was like D: so this game is Something between Mario Kart and a real driving test, Ok? P: OK. D: In that it’s a realistic earth-based car game P: Yeah but there is like nitro that you shoot out the back and things explode and stuff P: well that’s good [D: So] Because in my driving test I was trying to fire mushrooms because I played a lot of mario kart, and that was still in my brain *Dan thumps desk* P: soo D: Why do I Feel in danger playing this? P: I dont know. D: I d- I d-? so your first test, if you will, is the theory test.. now don’t worry. [P: theory?] I’m not actually gonna test your knowledge about anything P: Okay D: I just want to see you play the game. P: Oh God! D: Nothing weird. P: I’m so bad at driving games D: this is literally just you playing a game. P: fine. D: You tilt to steer. P: Okay, right. Like a real steering wheel. D: On the left; You can drift [P: yeah] like Mario Kart, and on the right You use nitro. P: Right. D: Be careful with the nitro It is literally an explosion. if you DoubleTap the drift then your car for some reason does a 360 P: Useful.. D: a- and you get more boost. P: I would get very dizzy. D: which doesn’t happen in a real car I feel like for the purpose of this video I must explain *Phil laughs* don’t actually do a 360 in your car expecting to somehow get a boost. P: Ok. D: That’s.. D: So I chose us Shanghai, [P: Oh gosh] super cool. Ignore the fireworks P: That sounds like a confusing city. D: it’s fine P: Can I not do ‘Country northern road’ ? D: I’m not expecting you to win just survive, [P: Ok] right. Right, and you don’t have to go like that, Maggie simpson. P: I’ve got to tilt it! D: here we Go, GO! P: Oh my god D: Right! No, no, straight line! straight line. P: I’m okay. D: try doing a spin? Double tap it. P: double tap. P: Yass! D: Yes, lad! P: Ssshhut up! D: Right, it’s fine P: I’m just getting the hang of it. D: okay, try it slow you don’t have to keep spinning that was property damage. P: I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it. D: right P: Yaass D: You see how it’s realistic with a bit of mario kart? P: Oh My God! I just decimated [D: Oh God!! okay] someone! A family! they’re dead D: now the game rewards you for hitting other drivers *Phil yelps* P: Christ! D: Calm down a bit P: Just couldn’t breathe. D: right P: Can I go up this ramp? D: you can. P: Yaaas. Okay, I’m in- [D: You’re doing quite well- You’re in fourth out of.. fourth] P: I’m in fourth but I’m not dead… D: But you’re not dead and that’s what matters. P: Whoo! D: Alright! P: That was alright. I survived I did kill a whole family but apart from that, it was fine. D: you destroyed some property and you did Ram someone off the road P: Why d- why in my mind did I think it was a family? I’m sure it’s just another racer This looks very realistic for a phone game, though [D: yes] I feel like I’m actually in Shanghai. D: Well, it’s a uhm realistic-looking. P: yeah? D: with less danger and real-life consequences. So that’s what we’re after here I’m gonna say you passed your theory test. P: Yos! D: cuz in theory. You kind of know how to play this game. P: Give me a pat on the head That’s the thing. I never got in my driving lessons. D: All right, Tes– . I don’t think you wanted to do that Test 2!! P: yeah? D: you’ve mastered being on the road [P: kind of] now it is the hazard test. *Ominous Dun Dun* P: Oh no D: You remember the hazard test, right? P: I remember it, you had to like click on old ladies and- [D: you sit down at a computer and you click when there’s a hazard] – stuff D: well, this is gonna be real. cause– P: you’re gonna bring an old lady in! *Record scratch* D: Your- No. You are gonna drive another race [P: Yeah] and I will distract you with various relevant hazards that can attack people on the road. P: I don’t like this. D: So where do you want to go next? P: Ooh, Scotland. D: you got some ancient ruins don’t drive on ancient ruins. P: Dippin’ down in the Himalayas D: Okay more Scotland P: more Scotland. D: oh what’s that one? P: land of the snow! D: Snow and haz- That’s that’s pretty hazardous, Phil. P: I’m ready for a challenge. D: All right *Drumming fingers* *Suspenseful music* Don’t ask why I’m standing up P: wh- why why you- why D: no you good. now remember Phil I’m not expecting you to win the race just to not crash P: Just- don’t tickle me or– [D: you’ll be fine.] put any animals on me D: You’re gonna be fine. Let me get used to it before you- *Nervous laugh* I’m scared D: Just wheeling you into the zone P: Whyy! it’s ok, everything’s okay. P: What is happening? D: this is fine. You’ve got a family of children. [P: I don’t-] and Ducklings, in your car- P: there’s no ducklings in my car. D: you’re not crashing. P: What the F- Eff, is this? D: This is a bad start, we’ve just gone full Mario Kart- P: Oh my God. D: It’s ok, It’s fine, it’s fine. [P: Holy crap!] are you ready, Phil? P: I’m nervous.. D: just safely drive. P: Here we go right D: off you go. P: I’m on my way to Amarillo. D: Right! now, you’re on the slopes it’s very bright. [P: Yeah] and if there’s sun in your eyes- P: I’ve already caused a crash!! D: -then [P: I’m Sorry!] n- as long as you survive, It’s fine. P: Justin and the kids!! D: the first thing that you need- [P: What is this!?] Is a hat!! P: No, o-okay. D:It’s fine, It’s fine, It’s just a hat. P: What is this hat? It doesn’t fit on my head. D: There we go! P: I don’t wanna know what is on my head right now. D: Is this still quite bright, in your opinion, Phil? P: I’m just causing so many accidents, I can’t think about anything else D: Well clearly it’s too bright, so I’m just gonna apply- [P:Jeesus] – some sunglasses *Phil laughing*: No! – noo.. D: There we g- Oh OOOhh, Nearly! P: Oh P: Ooh I can see under them [D: Nearly, You got it] that’s ok, okay. D: it’s fine If you’re driving past a bush [P: wHaT?] close your windows Cause you don’t wanna get tickled by a tree branch. do you? P: Oh no no, Don’t, please. Pleease D: So this is just going to show you why that’s a bad idea. P: You- Wha- what *Laughing* What is- Noo! D: it’s Fine! It’s fine, Phi- it’s not [P: What is that!] It’s not a real cactus. P: Oh My God! Dan! D: It is not a- , but it could be! P: No, I can’t- [D: It could be] -have the TATINOF cactus in my face! D: Close your window! It’s fine- PHIIL P:I’m going over the Jump! D: Oh my God! [P: Oh my godd!!] oh my god you crashed. P: oh it’s ok I’m back alive. D: This is why you close the window! God! P: that was so- it went right into my ear hole. D: But THIS is not the biggest danger. what is the biggest danger? P: This is a disaster. D: Texting and driving and you know what happens when your friends are texting you things? P: What? D: you crash So Phil.. P: what? What are you doing now? D: What is this? I Don- [P: I don’t-] I don’t know what’s happening there Ohh myy goodd, [P: oh god] noo!! Don’t text and drive P: wait I’m doing well, I’m doing well. D: It’s fine , It’s fine. P: I just need to come in- D: Oh Phil, I love you, says the mysterious person you’re sexting! [P: no!] while driving come on, Phil, Send me a [P: I killed someone x2] sexy picture P: No I’m not sending anyone a sexy picture. D: Oh he’s doing quite good, ok Oh Phil- P: I’m In sixth! D: I want to text you. What’s the Tea? *Phil Laughing* D: C’mon Phil, what’s the tea? P: This is getting better. D: Tell me the tea! P: I’m actually doing okay. D: why should that happening P: Holy crap. D: oh Come on Phil It’s time to go home. [P: No- it’s not it’s not] why? Aren’t you looking forward to having some pizza? P: no No. D: Delicious pizza- P: I don’t want any pizza. D: What kind of pizza shall we eat? P: Dan, this is too hard. D: I don’t know P: I’m nearly there nearly there. x2 D: All right, Phil, no more distractions I just want to see- [P: Ooh yes!] -you finish [P: Zoom!] don’t drive into the wall P: Yes!! [D: emergency stop] fourth out of eight! What is that hat? D: Fourth out of eight?! P: Where did you get this? D: and Phil How many times did you crash your car? P: I look so stupid, I crashed about five times, but the ducklings were fine. D: You gotta watch out for the cacti and you gotta watch out for the texting [P: Ah! Stop it] okay? because it’s out to get ya, so don’t text and drive [P: Oh my god] I hope we’ve all learnt something. P: Well, I’m gonna take that I think that was good, I think I deserve a driving license. D: no, no I’m failing you for that *Error sound* you failed the hazard test, Phil. P: Wha- why? D: Cause you crashed five times. P: Oh… Right. I mean that was horrifying, *Dan claps his hands together* how could it get any worse? I don’t want to know how it can get any worse.. D: It is now time for the final and most immersive. P: Yeah? well If you’re doing it for real trying to get your license [P: mhm] you do your theory you do your hazard and then what’s the last step? P: What? the driving test? D: The driving test! P: Wh- What does that mean? D: Okay, I’ve just given this a quick battery boost [P: Boost] and I’ve also changed the app to one that’s recording our faces P: why would you do this It’s for a completely unrelated reason that you don’t need to worry about, Buddy. P: I’m glad I blew my nose before this because otherwise you might see some things D: that is.. Incredibly TMI. Also it was supposed to be your job to charge this. [P: Hey!] before we started but you forgot P: There’s a lot going on up here. D: Yeah, okay Yeah, thankfully this charge- you got like a full day’s power in half an hour So thankfully, cause Phil is the kind of person that likes to leave all of his devices unlocked on full brightness all day P: I just like living life on the edge. D: and then complains ‘why is everything drained?’ you are gonna burn your retinas out. P: or I’ll be full bat. D: Sure So the question is, where do you want to go for your final test, Phil? Oooh, I mean I wasn’t- D: you’ve had a city experience. P: I wasn’t a fan of the Himalayas D: No, that was, m-maybe a bit extreme. P: San Francisco might be a bit hilly I might be like woof and hit a tram. D: Also you’ll probably hit some more innocent family shoppers just trying to go about their business. P: I do like it there, though. ooh what about Bonnie, Scotland? D: I am offended that you just did that [P: aukh] the path of the wind. Okay sure that that sounds like an excellent choice, Phil. P: Okay. D: Just going to stand up. P: Why? [D: Don’t worryy] I feel like you’re gonna put a spider on me or something. D: Everything’s fine! P: I don’t like it. D: It is time for *Dramatic music* The Driving Test. P: God. What are you doing behind me? D: nothing, I’m just- P: am I gonna get a nice massage? D: N- No, that’s not it. Oh, you’re coming out of the garage. P: No no, no.. D: and we’re going on a [P: Dan!] little journey. P: I can’t play like this This is very under chin, Dan. I don’t like it. D: no it’s fine. P: I look like a potato D: don’t question anything Aaannd P: Oh no. [D: 3,2,1] what what are you doing? D: We’re starting the race!! P: Oh god D: Gooo! P: noo, Dan, no I’m gonna die. I’m literally gonna die. D: No its okay c’mon P: Oh my, Christ! D: We’re going for a lap. P: I’m going to fall over D: We are in the kitchen! P: I’m scared I’m scared. D: No c’mon! Don’t crash the car, Phil. P: I don’t like it D: this is realistic don’t crash the car! *Crickets* D: now how do you get your nitrous? P: Um, do some spins D: Yeess!! P: Oh god noo.. D: Yes you do! P: No I don’t like it D: You’re doing a 360! P: I feel sick. D: Right, now activate your nitrous!! here we go!! P: Oh my god x2 *Yelp* *Crash* D: Sh*t *Phil laughing*: Oww! D:…Phil are you okay? P: I fell on my knee! D: This has gone too far. P: I’m staying on the floor. Let me finish the lap D: You can’t stay on the floor, [P: wait] I’m gonna give you a red mark! P: wait Don’t give me a red mark Okay, I’m – In th- I just nearly hit a helicopter. D: Phil You just drove off a bridge. P: right. D: I don’t know what to say. P: Just let me get to the end. *Both*: okay D: Just ski- Ohh P: OH No, they- [D: what did you do to that family?] they Rear-ended me. D: What did you do to that innocent family? P: They were right in my ass. D: Right, right, Don’t hit the walls. P: This is all relaxed, I’m in the river! D: you just dro- the- What excuse do you have for driving into that ravine right there? P: I don’t know. D: Come on, Phil [P: the finish] you’re in sixth place P: It’s all fine. D: oh god. Oh god. It’s a disaster, this is a complete disaster. P: That was a disaster. You will never be a driving instructor. Well, that was certainly immersive, Dan. D: Phil, Jana kicked your ass [P:Jana!] you got like a whole thirty seconds later than Jana there.. P: do y’know I don’t think Jana was being pushed around the apartment on an office chair by their weird driving instructor. D: Y’know what? Jana was trying to win D: You were just trying to survive P: I literally fell off the chair D: And why did you fall off your chair? [P: seat belt!] You should have worn a seat belt *Phil laughing* and that is the final lesson here, Phil P: Right, Okay. D: Can I please take this off now? P: All right. D: OhMyGod I’ve like sweated on it. P: Urrh D: I like that despite having a real-life traffic accident midway through, this did manage to record the gameplay and your face cam at the same time. P: yeah! That was amazing. D: the thicc biih, ok? P: ♪ It’s one thicc Biiih ♪ D: It’s got eight gigabytes of RAM, [P: ♪ Eight giiig ♪ ] ain’t no lag here. P: ♪ No lagussyyy ♪. D: switches between those apps- you ruined it. [P: I didn’t ruin it..] I was just tryna- Ok.. so obviously Phil wins nothing for that *Error sound* P: Hey! D: Other than, maybe a participation trophy. P: I think I could get some kind of award. D: Maybe a sticker for your boo, boo. P: Yeah. D: that’s the worst thing I’ve ever said. But you guys can *Laughing* P: you guys can get something! D: Uh, One plus are doing something very cool the ‘Last tap wins’ challenge and it is part of the other campaign that they’re doing P: But it’s especially for you guys. This is just for us here Phil Why don’t you show them how it works? If you go to Unlock.OnePlus.com you will see this little game and you can start tapping, but how do you play this game? Just tap You just tap the screen. It’s quite addictive as well. it has music, So if we get to 60 have a tap, tap with me. Ya There we go achievement unlocked golly. There we go. The idea behind this Is they’re teasing the fact that the new one plus is going to have a fingerprint sensor somehow inside the screen what? Magic, but our special competition is the last person that taps their screen out of everybody in a specific time frame within a lil window of time Can win free stuff like backpacks and earphones and stuff and literally you might just have to tap the screen once, just once, and if you’re the last person then you’ll win. just give it a little tap. So if you want to try tapping the screen once and winning some free stuff just go to the Link down in the description you have from now until is it 5:00 p.m on the 25th of October UK time good luck! So the game and all of the info is at the link in the description. D: hope that tickles your pickle P: yeah, what taps your app D: Yer bapp? P: Bapp! D: let’s [P: Don’t tap my Bapp.] not rhyme that. P: no P: So tap thumbs up if you enjoyed this video. D: Yes, totally. I’m just glad you’re not even on a bike. P: Yeah. D: just never leave the house to be honest. P: Sssame! D: Watch our last video. It’s not clickbait, P: but it is. D:But it kind of is at the same time. you’ll like it and more importantly coming soon to DanAndPhilGAMES *Phil making spooky oOooO* Spooky week! So subscribe for some shock and horror as things are getting dark and dank.

100 Replies to “How Not to Drive with Dan and Phil”

  1. This is my first time watching these two in months, and my first thought was: Phil grew up!! He is officially an Adult now ?

  2. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

  3. THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN, DAN IS WEARING RED PHIL IS WEARING BLACK, PHILL FELL OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND DAN DIDN'T BUT WORST OF ALL PHILL SWEARED AND DAN DIDN'T!!! WHAT IS GOING ONNN!?!?!?!?

  4. Can Dan drive? If he can would you rather trust Dan or Phil to drive you? I'd trust Dan because Phil would be too stressed. ?

  5. I probably should be in bed asleep right now but I can't help but t binge watch online d&p my cousin thinks I have a problem ?

  6. dan with a frog emoji in front of Phil's face going "come on Phil tell me THE TEA" is the single funniest thing I have ever seen

  7. Getting a driving license was a painful process… I failed the driving test 4 TIMES while my friends got it on the first try. They said they had no distractions while I had a lot of traffic and other unexpected situations. Life truly is unfair

  8. Black brings out Phil's eyes ? im distracted by him now ? also hes wearing a similar tshirt that u have & its weird seeing it on someone else

  9. OMG if phil still hasn't driven a car it's been 14 years since he's driven a car. that's longer than I've been alive

  10. the idea of Phil not driving since he was 18 (and being 31 at the time this vid came out) is so crazy to me. in america, you really shoot yourself in the foot if you can't drive.

  11. i looked up husband on the channel trying to find dream daddy, but instead I found this video. I clicked. Now I am here.

  12. i remember a posteriori what happened to you during the race and phil almost fell off the chair i have to record this moment i will tell you step by step because from here i almost fell off the chair too

  13. Is this more common than I think, or are Phil and I both weirdos for being someone in their early 30s who didn't drive since they were 18?

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