Highly Questionable (April 09, 2018)” Take on sports issues in the news

Highly Questionable (April 09, 2018)” Take on sports issues in the news


DAN: HELLO. WELCOME AGAIN TO “HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE.” DAN LE BATARD. PAPI, WHO’S THAT GUY NEXT TO YOU, 59? PAPI: JAIME. DAN: THAT’S NOT JAIME. JIM BROCKERMEYER, A LEGEND IN THE BASEBALL INDUSTRY. THANK YOU FOR BEING ON THE SHOW WITH US. JIM: THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME HERE. YOU CAN STREAM MY SHOW ON HULU RIGHT NOW. SECOND SEASON PREMIERES APRIL 25TH ON IFC. DAN: YOU’RE GOING GOING TE WHOLE SHOW. PABLO: A DISCLAIMER, I’M AN ALCOHOLIC WHO IS PRONE TO FLAMING OUT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. BUT WHAT THE HECK, YOU KNOW, I JUST KNOW, AMERICA, I SAY ANYTHING OFF THE CUFF, THAT’S PROBLEMATIC OR CONTROVERSIAL, THIS IS ENTIRELY DAN LE BATARD’S FAULT. DAN: I DON’T THINK THAT’S FAIR AT ALL. JIM: NOW THAT I’M HERE, IT IS AN HONOR TO BE HERE, SEEING PAPI IN PERSON. YOU’RE LIKE A CUBAN YODA. YOU’RE WONDERFUL. ALSO YOU HAVE A NORMAL-SHAPED HEAD, WHICH IS NICE TO SEE, BECAUSE IT BEGS THE QUESTION, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU, DAN LE BATARD? AMERICA, HIS HEAD STARTS OFF OKAY AT THE TOP. BY THE TIME IT HITS HIS EARS, IT EXPANDS OUT. DAN: THAT’S THE CALORIES USUALLY. JIM: NO, YOU HAVE THE WORLD’S ONLY APPLE-BOTTOMED SKULL. DAN: WOW. PAPI: SO IS TIGER BACK? DAN: WE’RE EXCITED HE’S BACK, BUT HE’S NOT BACK ANYMORE. JIM, EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW YOUR OPINION, AS A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ANNOUNCER, YOUR OPINION ON WHETHER TIGER IS BACK? JIM: WE’RE IGNORE PATRICK REED? I GET IT, HE LOOKS LIKE THE GUY THAT COMES TO YOUR CUBICLE. HUMAN BODIES BEGIN TO FALL APART IN THEIR 40’S. LOOK AT LE BATARD OVER THERE. HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S MADE UP OF MASHED POTATOES. MY PREDICTION IS TIGER WINS A FEW MORE TOURNAMENTS AND MAYBE CHALLENGES FOR A MAJOR BEFORE FALLING SHORT. THAT WILL MAKE HIM THE ONE THING EVERYBODY FEARS MOST, JUST ANOTHER GOLFER. PAPI: RING, RING, RING. YES? OH, HIGH. PATRICK? OH, IT’S PATRICK REED. YEAH, WHAT’S GOING ON? OH, YOU WISH THESE GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT TIGER WOODS? IRTHE ONE THAT WON THE TOURNAMENT? TIGER IS FINISHED, TOO OLD. HE CAN’T DO CRAP? YEAH? HIS KNEES ARE BAD — DAN: PAPI, HANG UP ON PATRICK REED. PAPI: I’LL LET HIM KNOW. DAN: THANK YOU. PAPI: PATRICK REED, THE WINNER. JIM: NOT SINCE “GET SMART” HAVE I SEEN SUCH A STRANGE PHONE DEVICE. DAN: THE FIRST-EVER “GET SMART” REFERENCE ON THIS SHOW. JIM HOLD ON A SECOND. WAIT, WAIT, HOLD ON A SECOND. OH, YEAH, IT’S PATRICK REED’S WIFE? I KNOW, DARLING. WE’RE BEING HARD ON YOUR HUSBAND. DAN: IT’S AS ABSURD, ISN’T IT? JIM: I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER. DAN: SEE YOU LATER, PATRICK REED’S WIFE. PAPI: SHOULD THE CAVS BE WORRIED ABOUT PLAYING THE 76ERS IN THE POSTSEASON? DAN: MAN, YOU GET INTO ONE OF THESE SITUATIONS WHERE THE CELTICS ARE BROKE, AND YOU DON’T TRUST THE RAPTORS. THE 76ERS ARE THE ONLY NEW THING. WE HAVE JIM BROCKERMEYER HERE, LEGENDARY MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ANNOUNCER, I’M SURE HE HAS OPINIONS JIM: STOP HITTING THE MINOR LEAGUE THING SO HARD, DAN LE BATARD. MY TAKE IS THE CAVS SHOULD BE AFRAID OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. THEIR DEFENSE IS AWFUL. THE THIRD BEST PLAYER MIGHT BE GREEN, AND KEVIN LOVE BULLIED BY HIS OWN TEAMMATES LIKE LE BATARE AFRAID OF WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. IT’S BAD, VERY BAD. THE CAVS SHOULD WORRY ABOUT EVERY TEAM IN THE EAST, BUT EXACTLY FEAR NONE OF THEM. LEBRON COULD TAKE A YMCA REC LEAGUE TEAM TO THE FINALS. HE PRACTICALLY DID THAT IN ’07 WITH ANDERSON VAREJAO AS HIS WING MAN. WHO’S GOING TO BEAT THE CAVS? THE WIZ WITH A BANGED-UP JOHN WALL? THE BEST CHANCE IS TORONTO, BUT THEY SUFFER FROM A RARE CONDITION THAT MAKES THEIR BODY REJECT PLAYOFF WINS. DAN: WHERE ARE YOU, ADRIAN WOJNAROWSKI, YOU GOT TO REPORT THAT? PAPI: I KNOW ONE TEAM THE CAVS SHOULD BE SCARED OF. DAN: WHO YOU GOT, PAPI? PAPI: MIAMI HEAT, THE SOUTH BEACH DEFENSE. DAN: THAT’S ALCOHOL AND DRUGS AND — PAPI: AND FOOD. JIM: I EXPERIENCED A LOT OF IT LAST NIGHT. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS THE SOUTH BEACH DEFENSE. I THOUGHT IT WAS A GUY NAMED STEVE AND HIS FRIEND CINDY. PAPI: DO YOU BUY THAT THE UFC IS ACTUALLY DONE WITH CONNOR R MCGREGOR? DAN: LET’S CHECK IN CAN CONOR MCGREGOR THIS WEEKEND, FIGHTING A BUS OF SOME SORT. YOU THROW THINGS AT THE WINDOW, THEN DO SOME OF THAT. DANA WHITE SAID HE WAS EMBARRASSED BY THE INSANITY. HE ALSO SAID THAT BROCK LESNAR WILL BE RETURNING TO HIS SPORT SOON, IF HE CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. AND BROCK LESNAR TAKES STEROIDS WHILE IN STEROID TESTS. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, BROCKERMEYER? JIM: IF THE MMA IS HUMAN COCKFIGHTING THERE’S NO BIGGER ROOSTER THAN CONOR MCGREGOR. THEY WON’T DISPOSSESS L HE STOPS MAKING THEM MONEY. YOU’LL BE WATCHING HIM PREEN AND THROW HISSY FITS AROUND THE RING FOR YEARS UNTIL HE GETS PUNCHED ENOUGH TIMES IN THE FACE THAT IT BECOMES SAD, AND HE’LL BE SHUTTERED OFF TO THE ISLAND F LEPER FIGHTERS. IT’S A DARK NIGHT OF SPORTS COMEDY. DAN: OH, MY GOD. PAPI: IS SHOHEI OHTANI IS THIS GOOD? DAN: PITCHES 100 MILES AN HOUR ON THE BLACK. THIS IS SO GOOD FOR THAT SPORT, THAT IT HAS METRICKICALLY THE BEST PLAYER IN THE SPORT, AND THIS GUY IS ONLY A THOUSAND TIMES MORE EXCITING. THIS ISN’T MY WHEELHOUSE. GO AHEAD, BROCKERMEYER. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? THIS IS YOUR EXPERTISE. JIM: AS A PITCHER, HE’S THE REAL DEAL. HE’S REGULARLY PITCHING 99. THAT BOMB TO CENTER FIELD, AS SOON AS IT LEFT HIS BAT, THERE’S A CHANCE, DAN LE BATARD, THAT THE ANGELS HAVE THE MODERN-DAY BABE RUTH IN THE SAME LINEUP AS THE MODERN-DAY MICKEY MANTLE. MY GOD, IF THIS DOES NOT GET PEOPLE TO START WATCHING BASEBALL THAN NOTHING WILL. I FEEL THE GAME IS BECOMING AMERICA’S EIGHTH FAVORITE SPORT. PLEASE JUST WATCH BASEBALL AGAIN, AMERICA. OUR EX-PLAYERS, THEY DON’T HAVE C.T.E. THEY AGE GRACEFULLY, LIKE THAT 82-YEAR-OLD SILVER FOX SANDY KOUFAX. TAKE YOUR KIDS TO A BALLGAME. LET THE SUN TOUCH THEIR SKIN WHILE THEY’RE ON THEIR iPADS. COME BACK TO BASEBALL, AMERICA. YOUR GRANDPA WASN’T RIGHT ABOUT RACE OR A.T.M. MACHINES, BUT HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS GAME. DAN: COME ON. YOU CAN’T SIT HERE AND BEG FOR MORE BASEBALL VIEWERS WHILE — JIM: I ABSOLUTELY CAN, AND IL. PAPI: HE SOUNDS LIKE A GUY TRYING TO SELL MARLIN TICKETS. DAN: HE DOES, LIKE A SALESMAN. JIM: NOW YOU’RE CATCHING ON, PAPI. THE SECOND FIVE-STRIKEOUT GAME, AND IN THE MODERN IRA GUYS DON’T STRIKE OUT FIVE TIMES IN A GAME TWICE. IT’S A CRAZY STRETCH, BUT HE ALWAYS STARTS LIKE THIS IN APRIL. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR US, BROCKMIRE? JIM: THERE’S NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED HERE. THE MAN HIT .240 TWO YEARS AGO. EVEN IN HIS BEST YEAR STRUCK OUT TWICE AS MUCH AS HE WALKED. YOU YOU GOT HIM, YANKEES, FOR HIS POWER. HE’S ALREADY SHOWN THAT. HE’LL HIT 50 THIS YEAR. HIS SWING HAS A VIOLENCE TO IT THAT REMINDS ME OF DAN LE BATARD ATTACKING A VEGAS BUFFET. NOW, A FEW YEARS DOWN THE LINE, STANTON’S CONTRACT MIGHT BECOME AN ALBATROSS, BUT FOR THE YANKEES OVERPAYING WASHED-UP PLAYERS THAT’S AS MUCH OF THEIR HISTORY AS PINSTRIPES. THEY GOT RID OF A-ROD, HAVE ONE NOW IN JACOBY ELLSBURY, AND WILL HAVE ONE IN FOUR YEARS WITH STANTON. FOR NOW, ENJOY THE SHOW LIKE I DO WITH DAN IN VEGAS. AFTERWARDS, THE TABLE IS LITTERED WITH CRAB LEGS, IT LOOKS LIKE THE OCEAN FLOOR. DAN: YOU THINK HE’S MAKING FUN OF US, BUT PAPI KNOWS IT’S THE TRUTH. CRAB LEGS, DELICIOUS. HE THINKS HE’S MAKING FUN OF US, BUT — PAPI: CRAB LEGS ON THE TABLE, I GO FOR THEM. DAN: OKAY, KEEP STRIKING OUT STANTON. CRAB LEGS ON THE TABLE. PAPI: WHO SHOULD I HAVE IN THEIR BEEF, TRICKY NICKY OR LEBRON? DAN: MY FATHER DISLIKES BOTH INTENSELY. TWO EGO-FILLED GUYS TAKING SERIOUSLY THE IDEA OF BARBERSHOPS, WHO INVENTED BARBERSHOP TALK, WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD COPYRIGHT BARBERSHOP TALK. WHY DON’T YOU COVER IT FOR US, BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAIR COVERED IN TERMS OF EXPERTISE. JIM: AS A MIDDLE-AGED WHITE MAN, YOU WANT ME TO COMMENT ON BARBERSHOP SHOWS. I DON’T THINK YOU CAN COPYRIGHT PEOPLE TALKING IN A BARBERSHOP. THAT’S A LOCATION. THAT WOULD BE LIKE THE GOOD PEOPLE HERE AT “HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE” TRIED TO COPYRIGHT HAVING A TALK SHOW IN A CLOSET, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE SMALLEST SET THAT I’VE EVER BEEN ON. I CAN FEEL DAN BREATHING RIGHT THROUGH PAPI. I MEAN, FOR GOD’S SAKES THERE WAS MORE ROOM ON THE LAST COPTER OUT OF SAIGON. DAN: YOU WEREN’T IN SAIGON JIM PAPI: MY SON’S SHOW IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY “RAMPAGE,” THIS THURSDAY, BIG MEETS BIGGER, RATED PG-13. TIME TO PLAY THE GAME THAT IS HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS, DO YOU QUESTION. JIM: YOU GIVE US TOPICS AND EVENTS AND WE QUESTION THEM. DAN: THAT WAS PROFESSIONALLY READ BY THE CHEESE MONSTER. JIM: HOPE YOU LEARNED A LITTLE SOMETHING. PAPI: DO YOU QUESTION WHOSE BALL THIS WAS? DAN: PAPI, DID YOU SEE THE WAY THE PADRES’ GAME ENDED? ERIC HOSMER, IT’S THE TENTH INNING. THIS RIGHT HERE SHOULD END THE INNING. ROUTINE POP-UP, GUY ON SECOND. 0-0 GAME. HOSMER, GOT IT. THERE’S A WALK-OFF, CELEBRATING TOO MUCH FOR A GUY WHO DID NOTHING BUT JOG AROUND THE BASES. JIM: THAT WAS INSANE. MAY I SAY THAT WAS INSANE? DAN: YES. THAT WAS THE CATCHER’S BALL. OKAY? LET’S THE FIRST BASEMAN CALL YOU OFF IF HE’S IN POSITION, BUT MAKE A MOVE TOWARD THE BALL. DON’T STAND THERE FROZEN LIKE A BONE LIKE DAN LE BATARD ON PROM NIGHT. THE REAL LESSON, NOTHING GOOD CAN EVER HAPPEN TO THE PADRES. NOTHING. PAPI: I’LL NEVER FORGET YOUR PROM NIGHT, BUDDY. YOUR TUXEDO DIDN’T FIT. DAN: HAD A STAIN ON IT. PAPI: NOBODY WILL GO OUT. THREE OR FOUR DIFFERENT LADIES REFUSE TO GO OUT WITH. FINALLY WE FOUND SOMEBODY TO GO OUT WITH YOU. AND YOU WENT INTO YOUR ROOM, AND YOU CRY, CRY, CRY. IT WAS ROUGH. I’LL NEVER FORGET THAT. YOUR MOTHER CRY. YOUR BROTHER CRY. EVEN THE DOG CRY. DAN: THE DOG WAS HOWLING IN THE BACKYARD. PAPI: THAT’S RIGHT. JIM: WOW. I WAS JUST GUESSING ABOUT DAN’S PROM NIGHT. DAN: IT’S A HAUNTING MEMORY. PAPI: DO YOU QUESTION IF AN NFL TEAM SHOULD SIGN THIS DOG? DAN: HERE’S MARK INGRAM DOING I DON’T KNOW WHAT. HE’S ON A TOUR, AND DECIDED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA. OH, YES! THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF ISSUES, LIKE THE DOG WILL POOP DURING GAMES, NOT PAY ATTENTION, BUT SOMETIMES TACKLE AS WELL. JIM: HE WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST PLAYER TO POOP DURING A GAME? DIDN’T MARK SCHLERETH ADMIT HE DID THAT A COUPLE OF TIMES? DAN: THAT’S TRUE. JIM: IF I CAN GET A DOG THAT CAN AVOID PENALTIES, I DON’T WANT A DOG ON MY TEAM. WHY WASN’T REX RYAN ACTING AS BAIT? IF THERE’S ONE PERSON IN FOOTBALL WHO MOST DEFINITELY HAS EXPERIENCE TRYING TO ESCAPE A POLICE DOG, IT IS REX RYAN. DAN: WAIT A MINUTE. YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. JIM: I DO KNOW FOR SURE. I SAW IT. I SAW HIM RUNNING FROM A POLICE DOG. DAN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE? JIM: THAT’S A LONG STORY, AND I WILL DENY IT IN COURT IF ASKED. PAPI: WELL, IF A TEAM IS GOING TO SIGN THAT DOG, THEY SHOULD SIGN THIS CAT? DAN: THERE’S A TACKLING CAT? OH, YEAH. YEAH. POUND FOR POUND, THE SAME KIND OF TACKLER AS THAT POLICE DOG. YEAH, HERE WE GO. TAKE HER DOWN. YEAH, COLLAR TACKLE! BANG! JIM: CATS ARE JERKS. DAN: YEAH. PAPI: TIME TO PLAY THE GAME THAT THINKS DAN SMELLS LIKE FOUR DAYS OF TEQUILA MAYONNAISE, SI OR NO. DAN: TELL US WHAT’S ON TELEVISION TONIGHT. HIS TIMING IS AWFUL. WHAT DOES HE SMELL LIKE, PAPI? PAPI: HE SMELLS LIKE TEQUILA. DAN: YEAH, JUST TEQUILA. PRODUCER: IN BINGHAMTON, OHIO, THE RUMBLE PONIES AND AKRON RUBBERDUCKS. DAN: NOT A FAN OF LEBRON, BUT HE’S A BIG FAN OF TIM TEBOW. BROCKMIRE, NOT YOUR TURN. LET’S CHECK IN WITH TIM TEBOW. DOUBLE-A. BANG! ♪ GLORY BE TO ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IN SPORTS ♪♪ FIRST AT-BAT OF THE SEASON. THAT’S A BEAUTIFUL SWING, BROCKMIRE. JIM: FIRST PITCH, I THINK. DAN: BROCKMIRE LOVES HIS POETRY. ARE YOU INTRIGUED? JIM: SI, SI, SI. IT IS NOT HYPERBOLE TO SAY THERE ARE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JESUS CHRIST AND TIM TEBOW. THEY’RE BOTH RIPPED, PULLED OFF MIRACLES, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY JESUS WAS A CONTRADICTION AS BOTH MAN AND GOD. TEBOW IS A CONTRADICTION. BOTH GOOD AT SPORTS AND THE WORST AT SPORTS. HE’S DEVILISHLY CHARMING AND A HUMAN GNAT. DAN: PAPI, ARE YOU INTRIGUED? PAPI: SI, SI. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? TEBOW, TEBOW. THAT’S AN EYE-OPENER FOR ME, A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. STANTON KEEPS STRIKING OUT, STRIKING OUT, MAKING ABOUT $45 MILLION. THIS GUY COMES FROM NOWHERE, MAKING PEANUTS, THE FIRST TIME HE COMES TO THE PLATE, BINGO, HE HITS THE BALL OVER THE RIGHT FIELD FENCE. SI, SI. I’M VERY INTRIGUED. PRODUCER: ON FOX SPORTS NORTH, ASTROS AND TWINS. DAN: BROCKMIRE HAS DIRTY THINGS IN HOUSTON OVER THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE. LET’S CHECK IN WITH THE HOUSTON ASTROS FANS. THEY’RE EXCITED. THEY’VE GOT A CHAMPION ON THEIR HANDS. OH, LOOK AT THAT, THE PAGEANTRY OF WEDDED BLISS. WEDDING NIGHT, NACHOS. YOU GET ME TO A WEDDING IF YOU SERVE NACHOS. I’D GET THERE. JIM: THAT’S MOSTLY SAD. DAN: BROCK HIGHER, ARE YOU INTRIGUED? JIM: SI, SI. THAT MIGHT BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I’VE SEEN IN MY LIFE. YOU KNOW, I GOT MARRIED AT THE BALLPARK. THE PHILLIE PHANATIC OFFICIATED MY WEDDING. HE SPENT MOST OF THE CEREMONY HARASSING TOMMY LASORDA, WHICH WAS APPROPRIATE, BECAUSE TOMMY WAS NOT INVITED, AND HE WANDERED OVER FOR THE FREEZE BOOZE. THE PHANATIC WAS NOT HELP WITH THE DIVORCE, BECAUSE HE HUMPED THE AIR FOR 20 MINUTES, AND I ADMIRE HIS COMMITMENT TO THE BIT. DAN: PAPI, ARE YOU INTRIGUED? PAPI: SI, SI. I’M INTRIGUED. MY PREDICTION IS THAT GROOM WILL HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT, PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO THE NACHOS THAN THE BRIDE. HE’LL SPEND THREE WEEKS LIVING ON THE COUCH. HE’LL STRIKE OUT. DAN: STRIKE OUT AT THE OLD BALLGAME. JIM: AT LEAST PUT A LITTLE SALSA OR SOMETHING ON IT. PAPI: THAT’S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY. THANK YOU NO WATCHING. DAN: IT WAS A THRILL TO HAVE JOCK BROCKMIRE WITH US HERE. CHECK OUT SEASON ONE OF “BROCKMIRE” IS FANTASTIC. SEASON TWO PRESEASON APRIL 25TH. THANK YOU, JIM. DAN: THANK YOU, DAN, AND PAPI. PAPI: THIS IS THE BEST >>ISRAEL GUTIERREZ, KEVIN BLACKISTONE, PABLO TORRE.

3 Replies to “Highly Questionable (April 09, 2018)” Take on sports issues in the news”

  1. Now that the show features the same guest all week, I would love to see five straight days of Jim Brockmire on Highly Questionable.

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