P: Hello DanandPhilGames master swords!
D: -Shwing- P: And welcome back to the the gaming channel, where today-
D: We’re getting athletic. D: That’s right! D: Don’t worry, still sat in chairs. Don’t –
as if you – ’cause you – had you going for a second there, didn’t we? P: We’re going to the Olympics in the world of Zelda, Breath of the Wild!
D: Uh, new Zelda game, Nintendo Switch, whatever. D: We didn’t play this when it came out.
P: No. I spent my entire Christmas playing this like a blob in a chair just being fed Christmas puddings. D: ‘Cause we each have a Switch, so I was just, like, under a bunch of blankets like D: DoN’t LoOk aT mE P: It’s so good, I’d love to do a let’s play on this channel, but it would take 167 hours. D: Yeah.
P: And we’d slowly grow beards.
D: Literally all I did for about seven days. P: I felt I would have –
D: About ten hours a day P: – had a beard all the way down here. D: Zelda Olympics, what the hell are you on about, Phil? P: So there’s minigames in Zelda. I thought we could dooo…. P: A (Dan vs. Phil) *bomb sound* *bomb sound* D: *coughs* D: Doing some of these weird sport-like mini games within.
P: Yes. We are playing to win THIS D: Look at than badgeroonie.
P: The first- oh it’s upside down. P: The first sticker of 2018.
D: Well that was a little metaphor for the year wasn’t it? P: A bit more important than the rest of them.
D: So, unlike actually playing the game as intended or showing like anything to do with that, we’re just making up our own little creepy games, so come on Phil show us what you got. P: We’re gonna be playing three sports. Here’s my Zelda. *record scratching noise* D: What the fuck did you just say?
P: I mean my Li- (honestly I’m disappointed Phil) *Slo-mo of Phil’s terrible, terrible mistake* P: My Link!!
D: I can’t bELieVe D:You’re not even somewhat — okay!?
P: I forgot what his name is! D: Wow, Uncle Bob who’s never played a playstation, P: “Is this Zelda or is this Link?” D: “Wha-wha — what is this Tetris that you’re playing?” Get out, you have to delete the channel, okay?
P:Oh he’s freezing to death. P: Linkie pie?
D: Why are you freezing to death? P: He’s a bit chilly in that outfit.
D: What are you wearing? P: That’s what I like to make him wear all the time, is ’cause it makes him strong. He’s wearing the skull of his enemies, also showing a lot of skin. D: Please get appropriately dressed.
P: right, let’s put- D: I’m not shaming you, I’m just saying that it’s not right. P: Right, we’re gonna give him this head, and now he’s fine.
D: Riiiight. P: I’m gonna keep the Barbarian leg wraps though. D: Okay. D: So you’ve got an insulating headband somehow, D: an insulating top,
P: Power below the belt.
D: Which also doesn’t… D: and then just get those thighs out. P: ♪ get those thighs out for the lads! ♪ Right, so our first sport– D: are we the lads? P: In the Zelda-
D: I don’t want to be the lads right now. P: The first sport in the Zelda olympics is gonna beee….. P: Bowling!
D: at “Pondo’s Lodge.” P: We’re going to Pondo’s Lodge! D: An abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere on the snowy mountains seems ideal for me. P: I’m just, gonna see if I can find it… D: Do they have Wi-Fi?
P: Am I going in the right direction? Here he is! D: Phil’s sense of orienteering.
P: WOOOOO D: I mean this game must take you like 4,000 hours. P: It does take me a long time.
D: “Just go left to the shrine,” the NPC says. D: Phil ends up doing a lap of the entire planet.
P: Here’s Pondo, all right mate. D: Tending a mighty fine snow. P: He is – incredible.
D: Bruh. D: Okaaay. Amazing.
P: His fashion– P: –needs to be contained.
D: is he naturally gray or did he – P: I think he must have dyed it D: is his hair like continuing around his neck? P: I’d like to think it goes all the way – D: Nonono, stop talking to him, D: You need to walk behind this person right now. P: Oh no, he’s turning around. It’s like that — Simpsons.
D: Is that his hair?! P: Yeah!
D: Is it? No, keep rotating the camera, I want to see, where does this disconnect? P: It’s a scarf of his hair.
D: Right, I saw a bit of shadow under the bit. Thank God. P: I’d like to think his entire–
D: Okay. That’s fine. Yep speak to him. P: I’d like to think his entire body is covered in fur.
D: It’s just a big you know, snowy afro. P: Pondo! D: Pondo style. P: “Hallo, kiddums! if you wanted to try a round of snowball bowling, then you’re in luck!” D: Because this is the place, okay? P: Right, rock paper scissors, for who goes first on the bowling. P: One, two, three, go!
D: I mean, does it matter? D: Oh, you get to go first Phil, show us how to BOWL D: Wow, five thousand rupees?
P: Twenty rupees?! D: How are you so poor? P: ‘Cos you rob all the banks in Hyrule. That’s why you’ve got all the cash. D: That’s – I mean well, y’know I’ve got somethin’ bringin’ in the dough though I’m not telling you what *wink*
P: play bells are ringin’! D: Um, right.
P: “I gotta set up the pins, I’ll be back in a flurry.” P: I love snow puns.
D: Oh to set up the pins. D: I haven’t done this because Phil’s played like, seven hours of the game more than me, and the snowy place is the only place I haven’t been– P: You’ll be fiiiine D: Okay, right.
P: This is the snowball. D: Did he just say “it’s snow joke”? Wow, Zelda or Undertale? What franchise are we playing? P: Right, we’re only gonna have one go each. D: WOT, okay. P: *Giggles* So…
D: Alright, no prob– well, it’s a good thing you’re going first, seeing as I haven’t done this. P: I’m gonna tell you it’s quite hard… D: Is there any skill or are you just pushing a snowball? P: No, there is a bit of skill because you pick it up and throw it! P: There you go! Oh, he’s rolling back up…
D: Right, okay…*Stuttering in the background* P: Look how strong he is! Look at that!
D: I mean, it’s those barbarians sandals, Phil. D: Look at that squat he’s doing, right now.
P: Work those thighs. SQUAT FOR US LINKY. P: Here we go. Sorry, if you look at the divots, P: You’d think you could go straight down the middle?
D: Right, Okay. Yes, I’m detecting some snek. P: Alright, I’m gonna go…
D: You– you’re going… oh. P: There!
D: Straight down the middle, okay. P: Oh, go go Go! C’mon, c’mon!
D: Oh my god. This is — D: This is going quite good.
P: Yes yes yes! D: Oooohhhh
P: Not bad. *Giggle* D: Not bad?! Statistically you got less than half. That’s bad! P: I’m not gonna lie most times I’ve tried this, I missed all the pins, so I’m quite happy. D: The guy’s sassing you. D: “Three?”
P: “Three?!” D: Right, you’ve got one throw left to make it count Phil. D: Alright, well there you go. Yeah, one go each of doing two throws P: Yup, like one round of bowling. I mean you could get a strike and then that would be one go. D: Right.
P: I’ve never actually done that so if you do it, I’ll get some ~moola~ P: Ah! My ball! D: Phil, the ball is trying to run away from you. D: It’s so disgusted with that attempt at bowling. Okay. P: Right. ♪You ready for this jelly. ♪ D: I’m– ready for that jealousy. P: A ll right. I’m gonnaaaa… P: Aim a little bit more this way… D: Okay. Go. P: Goooo. No it’s it’s– a bit more —
D: That’s exactly what you just did. D: Literally exactly the same, okay. P: Nooooo!
D: Okay, and– P: Oohh!
D: Wow. D: Right, so I need to get three —
P: Anticlimax! D: So, um, I– I feel the need to berate you for this, yet I have not tried– D: How easy is it to get zero? P: Oh, very easy. You need to do some bowling flexes. D: So in many ways, is three good? P: “Only three? That’s gotta sting! Stay frosty and play again!” D: Stay frosty? Is this Splatoon or something? D: Right.
P: Stay frosty~ P: Didn’t even get a prize! D: Wow, just a look of shame from Pondo.
P: Awww. D: Hondo’s gaze. The Great Curse. D: Oh, the Sun is setting for me, P: Oh my gosh.
D: Moody bowling. P: It’s 8 A. M., why is the sun setting? I think we just had a snow storm arrive. D: Right, well. That’s gonna help. P: You’ve got limited visibility. D: That’s good. I mean. I don’t want to see where I — D: Right, you keep throwing like that, so I’m gonna launch it slightly–
P: Launch it good. to the left.
P: Launch it good. Launch that ball just like you should. D: Okay, here we go, here we go– D: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes– Yes!
P: No, no, no, no, no! P: *weird sound*
D: *triumphant laughter* P: I hate you so much!
D: Ohhh myyy god. P: I literally tried that minigame 12 times, and I never got a strike.
D: Oh, why are we playing on your Switch? D: Oh dear.
P: I don’t even know what item you get! D: Wow, can I like, load another save so you don’t get the credit in this game? D: Jesus. And you get given a Blizzard Rod. D: That sounds very sexual.
P: That’s so unfair! D: A magic wand. D: That also sounds sexual. D: It’s a cold stick that you– stick in people.
P: Thanks for my stick mate. P: That — that was–
D: “I’ve lost interest.” D: Link is such a little shit, honestly,
P: I know! D: He’s so sassy. He’s supposed to be a silent protagonist, but when you see these options, and everything is like, “Yeah, no thanks.” or “Give me your shoes, I want them!” P: What happens if I attack Pondo now, does he die?” D: Phil.
P: Rahh! D: He says–
Both: “Hold it!” D: He’s too chill to fight, Phil. He’s a good person.
P: Can I kill this ball? P: Can I kill the moose? P: No.
D: Mother of God, are you a psycho? D: I don’t want to think about how terrified the citizens of Hyrule are in your universe. P: Okay! So!
D: What is the next sport? P: Sport numero …deux. D: Is it a real life sport? P: We’re gonna be… P: Sand seal racing! D: Sand seals. P: We’re off to the desert, mate.
D: This is a thing, okay. P: ♪ I know how to control the game, we’re going through Hyrule– ♪ P: No spoilers here. P: Okay, here we go… P: Sand-Seal Rally is where it’s at! P: Alright, you can choose the desert outfit now, Dan. D: Ugh, this is the most important– well there is — okay — D: He’s like “Oh my goodddd!”
P: He’s so hot! P: “My thighs are sweating!”
D: “Auugghhh!” D: You don’t want chafing thighs, Link, let’s get you into something more appropriate. P: You need to rub some butter down there. (WHY PHIL)
D: ♪ Desert voe outfit ♪ D: I’m a big fan of this outfit.
P: That is good. D: You don’t have, like, any colorful swords or shields. P: I’ve got a bright blue sword right there, get that one! D: Ugh, that doesn’t GO, Phil — there we go. P: That looks good.
D: Actually no, now I’m gonna be baking. D: But it’s fine. He’s got heat-resistance. P: He’s got heat resistance. He’s ready, mate.
D: Mate. P: Okay, ’cause I went first with, uh, that one. P: You have to go first with the sand seals.
D: Fine. D: WOOO D: Did you check out that sick shield flip? D: Okay, that’s a big tall — Shabonne.
P: Shabonne? ‘Sup. D: She’s got a pimp cane, and she will smack you with it.
P: “Hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY!” D: One to beat Jafar.
P: “Don’t give me that look like nothing out of the ordinary has happened!” D: Now come, she’s clearly like a cranky old hustler that’s running a gambling —
P: Right. D: [crunchy old lady voice] “Don’t gimme that look as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened!” D: “THIS IS NOT A SHRIIINE!” D: Then you’re Tali, who has some–
P: Style~ D: SCULplted abs. D: DAMN these Gerudos know how to work out.
P: That’s a full pack. D: Okay.
P: “I didn’t think it’d actually happen, but…” P: “Well, if it takes someone like you — destined for greateness — to beat me,” P: “–then it really is kind of an honor.”
D: Look at Link, with that hourglass body, D: just like “Yeah, I know how good I am,” D: Honestly he’s the rudest person. “I won’t rest until Tali has pulled off her big comeback and reclaimed the title of racing champ!” P: Wow, you’re gonna give yourself a sore throat.
D: Look, she clearly, she smokes a lot, this is what I get, okay. D: “Let’s start.” P: A hundred rupees. It’s all pricey.
D: Hundred rupee, okay, that’s not a small price, uh… D: Right how do I control this again? D: I think it’s just like one button isn’t it?
P: Not saying a word. D: Right so, a sand seal, is literally a walrus on land. D: This is Nintendo being creative. P: I love it.
D: What’s a natural desert animal? D: It’s a sand seal! P: And he’s off!
D: Okay, so I press ‘A’ to go fast. D: And I’m literally, I’m just going for these.
P: And you need to go through the– [gestures] P: Through the wishbones.
D: So I’m gonna go for the Mario strat of covering the least amount of ground as possible. D: God, I’m Master of Style.
P: Yeah. P: So how’d you do a boost?
D: How do you do a boost? I’m just mashing ‘A’! D: Yeah, you do a boost by pressing ‘A’,
P: Yeah. D: My style is, if you never stop pressing ‘A’, you never stop boosting.
P: Oh I see. P: Yeah, oh– No that’s not the right way, you need to get through the other side! D: Do you though?
P: Yes! D: Do you?? P: Oh I didn’t know you could do a cheat way! D: Is that to cheat though? P: Maybe!
D: Oh we’ll see~ D: Well you do your legit way, and I’ll do my cheat way —
P: Okay, fine — D: and we’ll see what’s better at the end, okay?
P: Yeah. D: Hoahahahh he’s doing his thing —
P: He’s doing it — D: Are you scared, Phil? Are you shooketh at my seal mastery right now?
P: I’m just hoping you’ll– P: I’m hoping you’ll hit a rock, that’s what I’m holding onto right now. D: There are enemies. Oh my god. Okay. Is that sabotage?
P: Yeah, watch out. D: No, miss me with the boulders. P: They’re going for you with the boulders.
D: I wasn’t making a joke, I was saying like literally, please miss me with the boulders. D: Right down the hill~
P: More enemies around here. D: Through the generic copy-and-pasted skulls that’s 99% of the content of this game–
P: Watch out. Those are just staring at you. D: Oh my god wait, where do I go now? Oh it’s through there, okay, right, right.
P: That’s the end, that’s the end. D: Finished, finished. D: Come on, sealy. Susan the seal, that’s the name that I give you.
P: Slow down seal! Slow down seal! D: And, yes! Ohhhh. D: Fifteen, almost on the dot. That’s a pretty — D: Oh, oh Phil, it would seem that I have broken the record– P: That means you did better than me —
D: –on your go! P: That’s ’cause you did that sneaky corner, I don’t know how to do that! D: [Shabonne voice] “Never thought I’d see that record broken in my lifetime!” P: I’m gonna beat it again materino.
D: It wasn’t his lifetime. D: That’s what the Switch doesn’t know. D: What I wonder is like, how does the walrus dive through the sand? P: Yeah. It swims.
D: Like, does sand work the same way as water though? P: It does if you’re a walrus!
D: I mean I feel like it’s a lot of digging. P: Yeah.
D: Like you can’t just, swim through the sand. D: Am I questioning this too much? Okay.
P: I think it’s gonna hurt your eyes if you’re a walrus. P: Right, what was yours, 1:15″?
D: 1:15.07″. P: Bring it on, Howell, D: Hey.
P: I’ve been taming seals since birth! D: Well you have been breeding hamsters, so to be honest, that wouldn’t surprise me. D: Right, go!
P: I’ve got it, I’m dashing! D: ♪ Dashing through the sand– ♪
P: ♪ Dashing through the seal, with a one-horse open sand– ♪ D: You just, okay, right, fine.
P: Shut up! D: It’s good, it’s a lot of wobbling– D: But maybe that’s like a momentum thing, maybe this is part of your strat P: Yeah. I’m going I’m going — dash! Yes!
D: It’s good. Okay. D: Oh, so you’re going for the don’t dash spam, but press when it’s on the screen. Yeah ideas what I was trying I know This is where you were going Come on, Dee come on Wow okay? That’s good That was good there actually how it is this way he likes to live life on the edge Of glory on the edge of a seals flipper I wonder if the shrubs slow you down I don’t know. I don’t know I’m going oh Jesus come on good Christianity bus okay right how rude of this thing I wonder like if you push those off Don’t hit oh are they not there. Okay? Wait the rock. Yeah. Oh my god bloody house oh Christ Oh god no. Oh yes, it’s very technical Okay Come on I can see I can see the limb for a second, but no oh oh oh I’m shocked that was only three second slowest Way up good start to the F down, I really want to see the archery though I was the last one three sports today. Okay. You don’t want to say it What because you feel bad because everyone complains, and you do trying to be a good person yeah be a better competitor and friend so I will say this Phil in the interest of sportsmanship in fact that I’ve been ruining your Zola save how’s about an archery all or nothing yes II Hate me okay, that’s your birthday present I hate oh I’m to me in two weeks a skippers socks or any weird crap I’m gonna bring it back Where is the archer see it’s in the Birdland, or do you have? Bill you’re very cold again to get dressed. They look at him his nipples could cut through a wall, right Let’s change little snow quill Oh, I want to be this is some serious like catenary roleplay right now show us your bows Phil What are we gonna be firing with we’re gonna be firing with a bow that fires five arrows at once okay? No, that would be cheating right. Let’s just do this Very exciting. I’m gonna save it as well, so don’t have that many arrows and this actually uses your arrows. Oh wow I don’t wanna waste my arrows on you Okay, join me to rescind this offer nothing because this could very easily be a short video now here He is everything’s so cloudy and misty today So I think I’ll go first because you set down the gauntlet of all-or-nothing that would be paranoia Okay, so this is all about hitting these birds with 18 zeros Hitting these targets Beau’s riding the sand mounting a seal while flying on the paraglider Oh, yeah era we’ll shoots him in the head Jesus Christ I’m glad I didn’t watch you play this this let’s play a breath of the world would be a hundred and fifty hours of film massacring innocence if I’m not allowed to even talk to me while I do this it requires a lot of concentration good YouTube video Okay silent for two minutes, okay oh Right so it stylish Lee goes into slow Yes, whenever you do that, but then I can do it from multiple heights all right look at this Okay, you’re aiming higher and that lets you strike. That’s why I’m taking some notes here, okay taking some Ideas, okay? Yes That’s a very weird round of noise cuz that’s a word and it’s action read not an infection, okay I’m just saying right wait wait. Oh, yep Phil Oh the slow memory lasts for so long you need to glide back up shut up. Oh down a 2-pound you down, I feel like the actual timer should keep going Even though links perception of time is in slow-mo, I’ll slow-mo you’re saying how mad when I copy you all right here We go here. We go fine Wow these have been said well, actually this is pretty good, yes like in Catching Fire where she’s in the training room? Yes, Everdeen is quacking. Right, here we go here. We go in The Hunger Games pond AU very underappreciated Fanfic, yes lad right down to this let’s rub my face against that down to its like an Abbi as well No there am I right. Oh Oh, it’s a seven second challenge. When is Phil gonna get it? He’s getting a lit- man That you’re too far away. He’s going for it though. I believe I can fly well This is why you’re using all your arrows cuz you’re like Jesus. They’ve only got 35 left Yes, you’ve used 13 arrows Phil This is insanity. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh No please *Dan screaming* Okay wow that words an emotional and physical Rollercoaster that was all right. I’m gonna aspire to use less arrows the news, so I don’t see go for a reload okay How did you like that was nifty apparently and his sugar daddy wants to give you a purple rupee more people should say nifty nifty Don’t make this a thing okay on your mark get set quack. I’m ready. Okay. You gotta beat 13. I will all right I use motion controls because I’m a wierdo Could see his hands like I think it helps though cuz if I’m like okay, yeah bloody hell right bloody hell oh How is that helping it looks much harder. Just just to adjust it a little bit at the end. Yeah, okay? Where am I gonna go? Right let’s get close to that nice. Yep. Let’s get close to No. Let’s get close to that Did that break yes, okay? I see massive waste of time right oh My god right what is this terrifying hole? bundle I was Super happy. This is five seconds, and what the fuck how was that happily slows down time. Oh my god I’ve been pissing about I didn’t realize that this was like the whole point. Oh my god. Okay. You’ve got nine D: What did you get?
P: Thirteen. D: Oh my god? This is literally–
P: Two seconds. D: This is so impossible right now. P: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. D: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
P: It’s ticking down, it’s ticking down– P: Oh no! Oh!
D: Ooohhh– D: NNOOOO oh my gOD WHAT?? D: wHaT??? WHAT???
P: It’s a troll! D: I was like, “I’ll be more careful than Phil, I’ll go up close to them and then go slo-mo at the last second.” I forgot that being slo-moes was — D: So your strategy of just being like “Mmmm I’m gonna fall” was better. P: Oh…
D: But what do we do now?
P: I dunno, I’m gonna– No, no, no don’t — P: I was gonna be the bigger man and give it to you, but I’ll take this. D: In the interest of friendship, and celebrating what’s right. P: Cheers.
D: We each get half. *children cheering*
D: There we go. D: That’s your birthday present.
P: Thank you. D: That’s the only wholesomeness that you’re getting from me this year. D: The only reason I did this, is so that you can give me a pass, when I FUCK UP NEXT (oh big mood dan) D: “That was nifty, Link!” Damn right you were, gimme gimme that purple ru-pussy! D: I’ve said that too many times already.
P: Stop saying that. D: Get that board, Phil! P: We should both get the board. D: No, I mean you should get the board. D: If you’re gonna give it to me, you should get the board. D: Hold it up, Phil! D: Oh, yeah, okay, I got the tip of the blade.
P: Ba-ba-ba-baaa! P: Oh, mine’s lost it’s stickiness. D: Ba ba ba. D: Well there we go, it’s actually just a test of stickiness. D: Whoever’s sticker voluntarily dives off the board first– P: I can’t see it form this place.
D: They are the true loser. P: There you go. That’s the sign of friendship. P: That’s how 2018 is gonna work. D: Or at least start. We’ll see how this continues. P: So if you enjoyed the Zelda Olympics, give us a thumbs up ‘cos there’s more mini games than we’ve played. P: We could do this again.
D: Yeah. I just think we’re done with this, we’re actually just gonna go back upstairs, and just, sit in a cave and then just play this for like another 40 hours. D: until we’re finished. Yeah.
P: And grow beards. D: So if you want to see that future Zelda Olympics, D: or whatever other friendly competitive game that I am sure will be the next Dan vs. Phil,
P: Subscribe! D: Subscribe, you can check out our other videos over there, our other channels over there, and we will see you next time friends~ P: Byeeee
D: Don’t hurt random civilians, D: and anthropomorphic animals.
P: Or maybe do.