Confinement Ep1: The Cannibal

Confinement Ep1: The Cannibal


♫ ♫ Walk in, ask questions, get out. Walk in, ask questions, get out. Walk in, ask questions, get out. …get ou- Mr Connor- Jesus! Remember to speak clearly and precisely to the subject. This one can be very… …difficult… to talk to. *Door buzzer* (Mr Ferdinand singing) (Voice breaks)
Excuse me- *Ahem* Excuse me, Mr Ferdinand? Well, I beg your pardon! I didn’t smell you in here! Quite unusual of me, I have to say, I must be coming down with the flu! Well do take a seat, I’ll fetch us some tea! A’ight, cool. I was just speaking to the Duke of the Highlands about a wonderful new- Or was it The Duchess? Their resemblance Is uncanny… …I trust you not speak a word of this to either of them on your way out, her demeanor is as hairy as her upper lip. Apparently the Duke’s uncle passed away in a terrible swan attack. Tragic, really, he was relentless at badminton. I say, do you partake in the thwacking of the shuttlecock yourself? …Actually I’m just here to ask you some questions. Ah… …well of course you are, why else would you be here? Exactly sir, question one- It’s all any of you fleshy homunculi do these days, ey? Popping into my bloody room and asking me bloody questions, not to have tea or play an honest game of badminton… No, no, no, we’re all above that! We’re all too busy for Badminton! What the fuck is badminton!? *Discouraged groan* *Mr Ferdinand almost breaking a table* *Mr Ferdinand sobbing* *Troll-like grunt* Mist- Although, I cannot blame you for wanting to avoid this room… Not a single man has walked into my cell without losing his head, did you know that? A- wha- whaddya mean by- *Heinous head munching sounds* Asshole! Ewww… I say! You’re not an average chap like the rest of them, are you? Not… technically, no… You’re an abnormality. An SCP, like us! You belong here with us! No, no no no! I do not belong here with you! I am not a human atom bomb, I’m not a rapidly evolving virus, and I’m not a Shakespearean cannibal! I work for them! I’ve no doubt in my mind about your pathetically feeble and fragile nature, but are you allowed to leave anytime you wish, hmm? *Sigh* Dude you’ve asked like five questions and I haven’t even asked one, can’t I just- a- bu- bu- bu- ju- ju- ju- ju- just one more, Just one more. *FALCON PUNCH* *smugly*
Does that hurt? *angrily*
Yes! That hurts! Stop it! *Ferdinand having a joyous time accompanied by the sound of death while orchestra playing on radio rises* We’re going nowhere, stop the test. *Orchestra reaches crescendo* Wow, I even got on the lamp. Mr. Connor, please exit the containment cell. I’m out. I don’t wanna be here when these bodies start voiding their bowels.. Fuck you, Mr Ferdinand… ♫ ♫ ♫ Hello world, here’s a song that we’re singin’ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Come on, get happy! ♫ ♫ ♫ *Door opens* Hey… Hey. How’d the test go? Not great, but not as bad as the black hole demon. He’s still better than that guy that eats memories. Mindfreaks are the worst. Wait, there’s a guy who eats memories? There is? I’m gonna hit the hay a little early tonight, guys. Cool. Alright man, no prob. Hey… we’re not freaks… are we? What? *music rises* ♫ A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’. ♫ ♫ We’ll make you happy! ♫ ♫ We’ll make you happy! ♫ ♫ We’ll make you happy! ♫

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