Chappelle’s Show – The Racial Draft – Uncensored

Chappelle’s Show – The Racial Draft – Uncensored


GOOD EVENING,
AND WELCOME TO THE FIRST AND MAYBE ONLY RACIAL DRAFT
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY. FOLKS, THIS IS FOR
ALL THE MARBLES. WHAT HAPPENS HERE WILL
STATE THE RACIAL STANDING OF THESE AMERICANS
ONCE AND FOR ALL. THAT’S RIGHT. AND THE CROWD IS HERE
TO SUPPORT THEIR RACES. WELL, ROB, SOME OF
THE BIGGEST NAMES IN SPORTS AND IN ENTERTAINMENT
ARE ON THE LINE TONIGHT. AND I’M EXCITED TO SEE WHO’S
GONNA BE DRAFTED BY WHICH RACE. SEATED BEHIND ME
ON THE STAGE THERE, ARE THE VARIOUS
REPRESENTATIVES. AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT THE BLACKS HAVE ACTUALLY
WON THE FIRST PICK. WOW, THAT’S THE FIRST LOTTERY
A BLACK PERSON’S WON IN A LONG TIME, BILLY. YES, AND THEY’LL
PROBABLY STILL COMPLAIN. ( chuckling together ) MAN, FUCK YOU. WELL, THE BLACK
REPRESENTATIVE IS HEADING FOR
THE MICROPHONE NOW, WHY DON’T WE
TAKE A LISTEN. WE OF THE BLACK
DELEGATION… CHOOSE TIGER WOODS. ( cheering ) ( Rob )
NO SURPRISES THERE,
FELLAS. THE RICHEST AND MOST
DOMINANT ATHLETE IN THE WORLD. HIS FATHER BLACK,
HIS MOTHER THAI. WELL, THAT
DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE NOW HE IS
OFFICIALLY BLACK. DAVE, THE ASIANS
HAVE GOT TO BE UPSET. ( Dave )
THERE’S NO QUESTION
ABOUT THAT, ROB. BUT YOU GOTTA
THINK ABOUT IT. HE’S BEEN DISCRIMINATED
AGAINST IN HIS TIME, HE’S HAD DEATH THREATS,
AND HE DATES A WHITE WOMAN. SOUNDS LIKE
A BLACK GUY TO ME. TIGER’S TAKING
THE STAGE NOW, AND IF YOU ASK ME,
HE’S LOOKING BLACKER ALREADY. AH, I’D LIKE TO SAY, A TREMENDOUS
OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. TO FINALLY BE PART OF A RACE
AND HAVE A HOME. I’VE BEEN SO CONFUSED
IF I’M HALF ASIAN, SO MANY THINGS. SO LONG, FRIED RICE,
HELLO FRIED CHICKEN. I LOVE YOU GUYS ! ( cheers & applause ) AH, I ALWAYS WANTED TO
SAY THIS… FOR SHIZZLE. HA HA. WELL, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH TIGER WOODS
IS HAPPY TO BE BLACK AND THAT’S A GOOD THING BECAUSE I JUST
RECEIVED WORD THAT HE LOST
ALL HIS ENDORSEMENTS. OOH, THAT’S A TOUGH ONE. OH, AMEX, TAG HEUER,
WHEATIES THE WHOLE SHEBANG-A-BANG. TOUGH BREAK, NIGGA,
THERE’S ALWAYS FUBU. ALL RIGHT,
COMING UP NOW ARE THE JEWS. MANY HAVE SPECULATED
ABOUT THEIR PICK. BUT I’M GUESSING
THEY’RE GONNA PICK MADONNA AND FINISH OFF THE JOB
KABBALAH STARTED. YES, WELL, ROB, SHE WAS
BORN AND RAISED CATHOLIC THEN SHE BECAME A WHORE, BUT OVER THE LAST DECADE
SHE HAS STUDIED THE KABBALAH. AND SHE EVEN WROTE
A KABBALAH CHILDREN’S BOOK. ( Dave )
OH, HERE COME THE JEWS. WHY DON’T WE TAKE
A LOOK DOWNSTAIRS. TODAY,
WE, THE JEWISH PEOPLE TAKE… LENNY KRAVITZ. WOW, IN A SURPRISE MOVE THE JEWS PICK
LENNY KRAVITZ, FOLKS. HE’S ACTUALLY HALF-BLACK
AND HALF-JEWISH. HIS MOTHER WAS
ON “THE JEFFERSONS”, A PIVOTAL SHOW
IN BLACK CULTURE. AND HIS FATHER, A JEW,
WAS HER LAWYER. HEH, COULDN’T MAKE THAT UP. WELL, LENNY IS
ALL JEWISH NOW. UNFORTUNATELY, LENNY CAN’T
MAKE IT HERE TO ACCEPT. HE’S IN MIAMI BEACH. MIAMI BEACH ? WELL, HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN THAT
NEWS ABOUT BEING JEWISH EARLY. HA HA HA… ( Dave )
ALL RIGHT,
THE LATINS ARE UP NOW. WHY DON’T WE ALL TAKE AN
ESCUCHA TO THEIR PICK. WE, THE LATINOS,
CHOOSE… ELIAN GONZALEZ. I DON’T UNDERSTAND
THAT ONE. WE WANTED TO DO THIS
BEFORE THE WHITE PEOPLE TRY TO ADOPT HIM AS
ONE OF THEIR OWN… AGAIN. ( loud cheering ) OKAY… GUESS
WHO’S TURN IT IS ? WHITE PEOPLE. LET’S SEE WHAT DIRECTION
THEY GO IN. HALLE BERRY
IS STILL AVAILABLE, AS IS MARIAH CAREY’S
CRAZY ASS. ( coughing )
CRACKER… THAT’S VERY MATURE,
RONDELL. THANK YOU ALL,
GOOD AFTERNOON.
( booing ) EXCUSE ME. ( clears throat )
PARDON ME. HEY, WILL YOU
CUT THE MALARKEY ? OKAY, I’M TALKING. THERE’S A WHITE MAN
TALKING UP HERE ! SILENCIO ! ( booing continues ) UNGOWA ! THANK YOU–
DAMN IT. WE, THE WHITE DELEGATION, ARE VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
OUR PICK THIS YEAR, COLIN POWELL ! WHAT ? COLIN POWELL
IS NOT WHITE. HE’S NOT EVEN
AN EIGHTH WHITE. HE’S 100% BLACK. LAST I HEARD. WOW, I GOTTA WONDER
HOW THE BLACKS ARE GONNA BE
TAKING THIS ONE. ( Rondell )
WE, THE BLACK DELEGATION, ACCEPT THE WHITE DELEGATION’S
OFFER TO DRAFT COLIN POWELL, ON THE CONDITION THAT THEY
ALSO ACCEPT CONDOLEEZZA RICE AS A PART OF THE DEAL. BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME,
BY WHITE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WE ACCEPT. YOU GOT YOURSELF
A GODDAMN DEAL. ( cheering ) THE BLACK DELEGATION
REQUESTS EMINEM. WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE,
RONDELL, THAT’S NOT
PART OF THE BARGAIN. I’M HUSTLING, BABY. ALL RIGHT, WELL,
NO HUSTLING ME. YOU’RE TALKING TO
THE ULTIMATE HUSTLER. I TELL YOU WHAT. LET’S MAKE ALL THINGS FAIR,
WE KEEP EMINEM… YOU GET O.J. SIMPSON. YEAH ! ( Dave )
INCREDIBLE ! A FIRST ROUND ABSOLUTELY
CHOCK FULL OF SURPRISES. UNBELIEVABLE, COLIN POWELL
AND CONDOLEEZZA RICE NOW OFFICIALLY WHITE. O.J. BLACK AGAIN. WHAT A DAY. YOU KNOW,
IF WHITE PEOPLE KNEW THEY WERE GONNA GET AWAY WITH
PICKING A BLACK PERSON, I BET THEY
WOULD HAVE PICKED OPRAH. OH, WELL,
ABSOLUTELY, ROB. THICK THIGHS,
NO FELONIES, SHE DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE
BEEN A GREAT PICKUP. OKAY, THE CHINESE DELEGATION
IS UP NEXT. ALTHOUGH THEY’RE THE LAST, THEY’VE BEEN WAITING WITH
ZEN-LIKE PATIENCE. MY GUESS IS YAO MING. HE’S BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME WITH BLACKS LEARNING SLANG AND
SHIT-TALKING. IF THEY’RE NOT CAREFUL,
THEY MIGHT LOSE HIM. THE ASIAN DELEGATION
CHOOSES… THE RZA, THE GZA, U-GOD INSPECTAH DECK,
GHOSTFACE KILLAH, THE WU-TANG CLAN ! ( Dave )
OH, MY GOD ! OH, MY GOD ! BUT I HAVE JUST HEARD IT
WITH MY OWN TWO EARS. THIS IS, BY FAR,
THE BIGGEST UPSET OF THE NIGHT. THE CHINESE DELEGATION
PULLING A FAST ONE AND CHOOSING
THE ENTIRE WU-TANG CLAN. BROOKLYN ! THIS IS BIG BOSS,
YORKERS. WE ALWAYS BEEN
A FAN OF THE KUNG FU AND THE CHINESE CULTURE,
AND SHIT. SO, YO,
IT’S LIKE BONG-BONG, YOU KNOW. YEAH, I WANNA REMIND EVERYBODY
TO, UM, DIVERSIFY YOUR BONDS. RZA GOT
AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. OH, YEAH, OL’ DIRTY
HAS NOW CHANGED HIS NAME FROM “DIRT McGIRT”, TO “THE OLD DIRTY
CHINESE RESTAURANT”. ( chanting )
WU-TANG, WU-TANG, WU-TANG.. KONICHIWA, BITCHES. FOLKS, THANKS FOR JOINING US
ON THIS INCREDIBLE NIGHT. OUR COVERAGE ENDS HERE, BUT BE SURE TO CATCH
THE REST ON OUR WEBSITE. CONGRATULATIONS
TO ALL THE RACES. AND KONICHIWA, BITCHES.

100 Replies to “Chappelle’s Show – The Racial Draft – Uncensored”

  1. Hmmm anyone else just realized the comic value of Tiger Woods name?
    His mum was Thai and his dad was black… His parents were pure evil in their private joke 😂🤣 I'm surprised Dave didn't pick up on it before.

  2. How are jews a race? I'm brown. I can't get a haircut, shave my beard, wear normal clothes, and start believing in science and walk out in public without everybody knowing I'm brown. Judaism is a religion. And jews racist against nonwhites are still racist if they are white jews. Pretty long history of white jews being racist against brown people who had nothing to do with the holocaust.

  3. Sad that media critics and idiots today are trying to silence this kind of comedy. Its sad. On that note still a hilarious skit

  4. If you wanted to have a racial draft in current year, only white people would be eligible. You could go to prison for telling jokes about anyone else.

  5. ALOT of the jokes they used on the Chappelle show goes right over the heads of younger viewers.. Cuz yall dont understand all the references.. But feel free to ask about any joke from any episode that u didnt understand, and ill gladly explain it to yall lol

  6. 25 years ago i wear the same outfit like the rza…try to walk and talk the same……now when i see this i feel ashamed

  7. Awe! Back when comedy was good. They posted it in 2017? It's older then that for all you youngens that don't know any better.

  8. Elian Gonzalez? The son of a communist, active member of the Commmunist party in Cuba? A member of the communist youth union (similar to the natzi youth union)? Not funny,… you DemonRat jerk. I know all of you love dictatorship, but this is too much, even for you morons!!

  9. This bit has held up well over time but nothing, absolutely nothing, will beat those Rick James and Prince sketches. They are like the funniest things in HISTORY.

  10. 2019 Racial Draft! Same pick order as last time. Here is the breakdown

    Blacks: Drake – Canadian r&b artist who spent time in the Jewish part of Toronto. Light skinned complexion. Had an entire episode of Atlanta dedicated to him in which Vanessa realized that Drake was actually Mexican. Now the Blacks have Drake all to themselves.

    Jews: Rashida Jones. Actress from hit TV shows "The Office" and "Parks and Rec". Daughter of famous music producer Quincy Jones, her mother is Jewish. And now she has a home amongst the Jews.

    Latinos: Senator Beto O' Rourke. A confused Irishman who has had his fair share of Tequilla while living in the beautiful state of Texas. The Senator is fluent in Spanish, a very nice guy, and an overall positive role model for the Latino community. As of this, writing he is running a Presdiental campaign with no hope of winning. However, the rumor is that this is the Dems grooming him for a real shot at 2024

    Whites: Candace Owens. Political activist and head speaker for the Blexit movement, Ms. Owens is a driving force in the political world. Her vociferous style of debating along with her passionate speeches that go viral on Twitter has seemed to have her labeled as an Aunt Jemima amongst the black community. With the whites now drafting Ms. Owens she will be able to increase the Blexit movement since we all know black men love their white women. In addition, the black community can relax in knowing Candace Owens will no longer be attending the BBQs.

    Asians: Kenny Omega. Executive Vice President of All Elite Wrestling, Mr. Omega has made a name for himself as being the PREMIER pro wrestling this decade. Kenny Omega has become a star attraction by competing in several wrestling promotions across Japan. The famous being New Japan Pro Wrestling where Mr. Omega headlined the Tokyo Dome this past year against Japanese Hero Hiroshi Tanahashi. Kenny, along with Tony Khan, now looks to re-ignite the world of pro wrestling with their company AEW. In addition, Kenny Omega is a know weeb and member of the FGC, he loves Street Fighter, and his main is Cody.

  11. This is what’s wrong with this country. They put this shit on tv and it is nothing but racism and stereotypes. How is this shit funny. It blows my mind how all the snowflakes get offended by a MAGA hat but this is ok

  12. Obama didn't bring PC Obama didn't bring back racism he did an awful lot 4 under middle class and the poor lowered taxes millions of people having Medical that's millions of poor people that absolutely needed Medical so you guys must be very rich Trump supporters because only him and all of his buddies have permanent tax breaks you guys know that racist ignorant piece of s*** don't give two s** about your f**** asses and you want to talk s*** about a president who want it ended but every he couldn't for Americans almost positive over half of you don't vote don't pay taxes and on Obamacare

  13. Asians is to non descriptive , you have two races from that continent , it doesn’t differentiate between Indian type and Chinese type

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