//Bruce: T-there’s a bunch of – there’s a bunch of – //Bruce: Woah! You can move it back and forth? //Adam: This is pretty cool.
//James: “Hello, it is me.” //Bruce: Xbox 3 – //James: “Xbox!” //James: We need a new character. //James: Don’t we need – //James: – we need a new animatronic character.
//Bruce: We do, we do. //Adam: BOXY! //Boxy: HEY I’M BOXY! //Boxy: PS3 IS FOR [email protected]#$%^S! //James: Can you get that?
[laughing] [laughing] //Adam: There it is. //Bruce: What is it? //James & Bruce: Xbox World! //James: Look at this creepo on it though. //Adam: I think it’s Baraka. //Adam: Yeah, I- I can get it. //Bruce: It’s like frisbee! //Adam: Okay, hold on. //James: Sorry, I won’t touch it. //James: Look, I’m not touching it. //Bruce: Wow! //Bruce: That’s amazing!
//James: And if they can’t see, I didn’t do that. //Bruce: That’s like a magic trick. //Adam: You guys will have to believe us, take our word for it. //Adam: When we hit the button, the Xbox tray closes. //Boxy: NOM Nom NoM nOm NOM //Adam: How do they get them next to those real cars? //Bruce: Are those real cars? //Adam & James: No! //Bruce: Wait a minute! They’re CG?! //James: Xbox demo disk-makers put way more effort into it than PC demo disks. //Bruce: They really did. [very real coughing] //James: Let’s check the news! //Adam: Whoa, hold on. [wheezing Bruce] //Bruce: James was right on – //Adam: I wanted to- I just want to make sure there are demos on here. //Bruce: Of course there are! Doom 3, Black Hawk Down, Juiced, Area 51, Psychonauts, Darkwatch! //James: PSYCHONAUTS? //James: We just watched this. //Adam: It’s like a DVD menu? //Bruce: Hold on. //James: Action not available. //James: Stop this, why are we here? //Adam: I don’t think this is a demo disk. I think it’s just a DVD of- //James: It’s Xbox World!
//Bruce: No, it’s a demo disk //Bruce: We gotta go to news! //James: You gotta check the news! //Adam: This- this was authored on iDVD. You know this. //James: Is this news? //Bruce: Yeah, remember when 50 Cent made a game? //James: But they’re not telling us anything. //James: I do. He made two games. //Bruce: I remember when there was a time I thought Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson was going to take over the music world. //Adam: What?
//James: He did!
//Bruce: The acting world. //Adam: He was in Moonlight, he looked amazing.
//Bruce: The video game world. //Bruce: I thought he was going to do- oh he’s in Moonlight?
//James: No no no no no. //James: Adam’s a racist. //Adam: Oh. //Adam: Was that not him? //James: Oh my god. //Adam: He looked like him. //James: Oh, more news. //Adam: Oh. //Bruce: JoWooD! //James: Look, he did it. //Adams: This is not news. These are trailers. //James: They meant NEWS as in NEW mul – plural. //James: These are the NEW’S! //Bruce: Oh, new games. NEW’S! //Bruce: They call them NEW’S! //James: Yeah, NEW plural! //Bruce: That does make sense. I understand that from a demo disk point of view. //Adam: Oh, Dead Rights 2.
//James: Dead Rights! //Adam: That was when he got a dog. //James: Wasn’t it just Dead 2 Rights? //Adams: No, it was Dead to Rights 2.
//James: Oh, it’s Dead to Rights 2. //Bruce: Oh, did you see that hot fairy? You guys missed it cuz it was going so fast. //James: There could be porn in this we wouldn’t know. //James: Oh, look at his walk cycle!
//Bruce: His walk cycle! //James: Looks like Adam playing 1-2-Switch! //James: Break this. //Bruce: Why? //Adam: Because there’s no games on it. //Bruce: There are lotsa games! There’s Doom 3! //James: Shut up, Xbox! //Bruce: “Put a- put a disk in me! Put a disk in me!” //Bruce: Oh yes. //James: That looks real sweet! //Adam: Show the kids. //Bruce: The Pewdiepie Resist The Nazi Invasion Game! //Adam: Winston? What are you doing? //James: Just call him Mr. Churchill. //Bruce: I told you. This is Resist the Nazi Invasion. //James: Killed in New York City?! //Bruce: No – //Bruce: No! //James: An alternate reality where Winston Churchill dies- I don’t care. //Bruce: They spelled aggressive wrong, I think? //James: Let’s just assume it was right. //Bruce: Alright. //James: Oh no. //Bruce: Wasn’t it the Reich? //Adam: The Third Rye-sh! //Bruce: This is a weird alternate dimension. //Bruce: That- that’s Stalin, okay. //James: Yeah. //James: You can’t win a battle on two fronts, Hitler! //Adam: Watch! //Bruce: You tryin to help him out for the future? //James: Hitler, NO! //Adam: Playable demos? //James: They don’t even have that game. //Adam: Half-Life 2: Episode 2! Kane and Lynch? //James: Half-Life 3!? //Bruce: Wait- what about the Nazi- //James: Where’s the resistance game? //Adam: My guess is they just sponsored it. //James: Oh noooo. //Adam: Ooh, where do we want it? //James: I’m telling ya, always put it on the memory unit that way you can take it on the go. //Bruce: Yeah. //Adam: No, that’s built in to the machine though. //Adam: There’s no memory card. //Bruce: Yeah, it’s one of the newer Xbox 360s from 2008. //Adam: Look at his face. //James: Warrior or Mage? //Bruce: Hold on, do you like melee or magic? //Adam: Yes. //James: I was just gonna say, you have to choose between literal might and literal magic. //James: I wanna be a wizard, but who’s jacked. //Bruce: You could do that. //Adam: That’s fine. //James: That never happens. //James: Where they have a jacked wizard so he’s like, he’s like, “I’m gonna do a fire spell after I knock you out!” //Bruce: Harry Potter? He’s jacked. //James: That’s true. He was pretty jacked. //Bruce: Tonks? She had cool hair and she was jacked.
//James: Yeah. Sure. //Bruce: And a witch. //James: And Ginny? Ginny was jacked. She used to put walnuts down and crunch them with her chin. //Bruce: I remember seeing that in the movie. //James: Yeah. They did that. No magic necessary. That’s just might. //Adam: “Sup Harry bruh? Wanna see me crack a walnut?” //Bruce: Why did he say it so – so dramatically? //Bruce: “Climb on my cock!” //James: “Slide it between your thighs!” //Bruce: Nice, look at those moves with that sword. //James: Oh, Adam, please.
//Bruce: You’re gonna throw it right down. //James: Adam, c’mon, they’re still alive! //Bruce: No, that guy was dead. //Adam: That’s horse food. //Bruce: That’s what he said. //Bruce: “He was dead! That guy was dead!” //Adam: Cool, rope bow. //James: Rope Bow. //Adam: Grab my rope. //Bruce: Oh, it was a rope bow. //Adam: And a relic. //James: Nice. Good find. //Bruce: Throw him off the cliff too. //Adam: I- a corpse. //Bruce: Can you pick it up? //James: There you go. //Adam: Little bit of a delay there. //Bruce: Try to land him on your- oh what was that you just kicked off? //James: Don’t worry about it. //Bruce: Try to land him on your horse. //James: “Ride, boy!” //James: Ooh, he hit with a thud. //Adam: Oh, here we go. //Bruce: Uh oh, bad guy. //James: This guy doesn’t hear you. //James: Kick him! There you go. //Bruce: Beautiful. Hear the nat- hear nature? //James: Yeah, I can hear it. //Bruce: I love it. //Adam: These are the guys who made Dishonored //Bruce: Uh, what!? //James: This guy’s insane, by the way. //Adam: I love this narrator. //James: “Hoooo, yes! And you just found the rope bow and now you get to use it!” //James: Heee-yah! // James: Oh, that doesn’t help. //Bruce: Wait, so what are you supposed to- oh fire it across the – //James: In the middle? //Bruce: Oh okay so we made a jungle gym.
//Adam: Yeah, yeah we can jump and grab it. //James: Ah, shit. //Bruce: “Those boxes are in your way!” //James: Kick ’em, Adam, kick ’em. //Bruce: “Kick the boxes!” //James: “Yes, yes! Send the boxes flying!” //Bruce: “Very good!” //James: “Now jump to your rope bow and clutch it between your chest muscles!” //Bruce: “Swing the rope back and forth between your thighs!” //Bruce: “Climb the rope and get a weird feeling in your loins!” //Adam: Gain access the- wait. What’s happening? //Bruce: What is- what happened? //Bruce: “Your vision clouds!” //Bruce: Why is it all white? Can you turn it off? //James: Whoa, they have a load of thing-
//Bruce: Nice moves! //James: Nice block! //James: This must be real discouraging for this guy. //James:”Ah, fuck!” //James: Kick him, kick him! Kick him in his ass! //Bruce: Aww. //Bruce: Turn off the white thing. Can you get that off? Turn that off. //James: Hit – hit up on the d-pad. //Adam: Oh, it was that. //Bruce: It was starting to hurt my eyes. //Bruce: This is cool. I like this game. //James: I do, too. //Adam: I’ve been wanting to play it for a while. //Bruce: What? //Adam: Like, ten years. //Bruce: So you’re saying since 2006?
//James: I was gonna say, a hundred years? //Bruce: Oh, what are you doing!? Oh. That was close. “That was close!” //James: Uh oh, clutch it! //Bruce: Ohh, you’re dead. //Adam: No. //James: Oh, you’re still fine! You can do anything! //Bruce: “You jumped in the water and swam!” //Bruce: “Take off your shorts!”
//James: “You’re all wet.” //Adam: See, where did I come from? That’s the question. //James: “It’s where – will you cum, that’s the question!” //James: Prepare a powerful strike! //Bruce: Kick him in the back! What are you- //James: That was a powerful strike? //Bruce: Ooh, gotcha. //Bruce: Man, you are really good. //James: Nice, Adam. //Bruce: Oh no!
//James: Oh no! He’s down. He’s paralyzed! //James: “Don’t kill me!” //James: ‘Don’t kill me!” //Bruce: Oh no, he wasn’t dead, Adam! They could’ve rehabilitated him! //James: “I can’t feel my legs!” //James: “Please don’t kill me!” //Adam: He wants some too. //Bruce “I wanna have kids! Someone help! Someone help me!” //James: “Save my sperm! Save my sperm!” //Bruce: “Jerk me off before I die!” //Adam: Oh god. //James: Oof. Your adrenaline’s full, X!
//Bruce: Oh yeah, fuck you. //James: Hol- It says there do a powerful strike, you didn’t do it! //Bruce: It doesn’t matter. //James: There’s instructions! Follow the instructions so we can see everything! //Bruce: Oh my god. //James: “Make sure I died cool” //James: “Make sure I died cool! Tell my wife I was cool! Take my sperm!” //James: “You heard the man, take his sperm!” //Bruce: “And give it to me.” //James: “Yes, bring ME his sperm!” //Bruce: “Bring it to me in your hands, not in a cup!” //James: “I have a riddle for you: I want his sperm, gimme!” //James: “Solve it, if you can, hero! Put it in your mouth, that’s part of the riddle!” //James: Nope, you heard nothing. //James: There’s giant blocks of texts telling you what it wants you to do. //Bruce: Throw it. //James: Bonk. Now stab him. //James: Bonk. //Bruce: Alright, now do the execution. //Bruce: Oh gosh, he was already down! //Adam: Do you think I can block arrows? //James: Absolutely //James: No, he can’t.
//Bruce: No. //Bruce: Wow, he’s really good at it. //James: Adrenaline! Oh, don’t waste it! //James: The hero we deserve! //Bruce: Just kicking a corpse. //James: “Jerk it! Jerk the lever.” //James: Oh, right there.
//Bruce: There it is. //James: They were – what were they doing in there? //James: Oh, cut the rope! //James: RT to cut at the rope! //Adam: What rope? //Bruce: I don’t see a rope, do you see a rope? //James: Above, above! You drop the block on their head. //Bruce: There. See?
//James: Oh, right there. //James: He’s-
//Bruce: Oh, he missed. //Adam: It’s pretty dark. //Bruce: Dun matter. //James: Goddammit. //James: Huh, who’s there, spirit!? //James: Stab it in the spine. //Bruce: He comes – he comes back from the dead after thousands of years and he gets kicked in the back. //James: Oh, he’s back! Finishing blow! //James: Yep, the only way – the only way to finish an undead skeleton is to stab it through the spinal cord. //Adam: Hold on. //Adam: Yes! //James: Alright. //James: Wait for it to pop up. //Bruce: Oh, there’s two of ’em. //Adam: It’s always two. //James: And then you also have your adrenaline. //Bruce: They always- he’s dead. They always- //James: Alright, now use your adrenaline and heavy strike. //James: OHHHHH! //Bruce: Woah, one shot! I mean that guy’s just kinda- he just kinda stabbed it. Just with this. //James: But it went like, slow-mo //Adam: Oh, look! //Adam: He’s just asking to be kicked into the spikes. //James: There’s one thing that goes right through his lower back. //James: “That really paralyzes me.” //Bruce: New skill unlocked? //Bruce: I love that every time they come back from the dead you kick ’em right in the back. //Bruce: It’s a really good thing that there are spikes all over the walls. //James: I know. //Bruce: Alright, you know what to do. //Adam: Please line up, sir. //Bruce: Nope. //James: A little bit off there. //James: There you go. A little bit more. //Bruce: Yeah, just keep doing that. Just keep doing that. //James: There you go! //Adam: He kinda celebrates a little bit when he dies there. He’s like, “thank you!” //Bruce: You freed me! //James: Woah! //Bruce: Look at this! //James: Oh! It’s like a lightsabers. //Bruce: The battle to end all battles. //James: Then you both got tired. //Bruce: That’s what it said. //James: “It’s in my pants.” //Adam: Ohhh! //Bruce: Soul drinker! //James: Woahh! //Adam: Spider key, found it. //Bruce: Who’s we? //James: Come at me spider! //James: How do you like a hot spine?! //Bruce: I like the spider has nothing other than just to walk up to you. //James: Well what is it
supposed to do? //Bruce: Shoot webs like Spiderman. //Bruce: Nice moves, didn’t matter. //James: Ok, stab it in the spine. //James: X! X! //James: Super strike! //James: Hold! //Bruce: Doesn’t matter, it’s dead. He killed it. //Adam: It’s a scrot – //Bruce: Uh, it does look like balls. //Bruce: Wait, is this the – was that the end? //Adam: Of course it’s a demo. //Adam: Would you like to buy it now, Bruce?
[inaudible James is inaudible] //Bruce: Fuck. //Adam: Alright. //James: Kane & Lynch.
//Bruce: Kane & Lynch baby. //Adam: Never played this. // James: Neither have I. //Bruce: Neither have I. //Adam: Suppose to be a movie. //Bruce: What is this about? //James: Two best friends that might be gay get into trouble that’s basically – //Bruce: That’s it? //James: Yeah. //Bruce: Two best friends that might be gay? //James: Get into trouble. //Bruce: All right, I’m in. //James: Nice work, nice shots, good shots – //James: – you killed a lot.
//Bruce: You’re really good at this. //James: This is the most efficient method they had for this? //James: Oh no, is that uh –
//Bruce: Norman Reedus? //James: Norman Reedus? //James: You have to shoot them Adam. //Bruce: Look at that guy. (Bruce laughing) //James: Oh boy! //Bruce: What the fuck… //James: He’s a maniac. //Bruce: Why did he do that? //Adam: Get it? He crazy. (Ching chong fing fong in asian) //Bruce: What is he doing? //James: Nice toss, wow! //Bruce: That was the worst toss in the world. //Bruce: There you go, better. //James: A little better. (Adam wheezing)
//Bruce: Oh, got ’em! //James: Nice toss. //Bruce: He like threw a lemon at him. //James: Oof! (Bruce laughing) //Adam: It’s John Wick. //James: So many – so many other things copy Kane & Lynch. //Bruce: John Wick. //James: John Wick.
//Bruce: Walking Dead. //Bruce: GTA V
//James: GTA V //Bruce: GTA IV I think, copied this too.
//James: Uhhh – //James: I Love You Philip Morris. //Bruce: Yeah??? //James: Wow, that one dinged, but it made it at the perfect (?) //Bruce: It was, it was! //James: Look at the ding! //James: Oh, bad ding. //Bruce: Oh, that didn’t work. //James: That’s not right physics, that’s wrong. //Bruce: Got him anyways, it doesn’t matter. //James: Oof! //Bruce: Did they kill you or jerk you off? //James: He’s like: “Don’t worry buddy, I got ya!” (Patting wet fish sounds) //James: DON’T DIE ONNNNN ME! (Bruce orgasms)
//Bruce: I’m back! //James: God, you gotta stop throwing it so wild! //Bruce: This is like Heat! Also heat ripped this off. //James: Oh that’s cool, look at the demo over sign. (Bruce laughing) //Adam: Alright, want me do porn? //Bruce: Yes… //Adam: Hi, welcome to the part of the show, where we look at pornography. //Adam: Oh here’s Dark Messiah. //James: Oh yeah I remember that. //Bruce: No, we’ve never met the goblin yet – //James: Hold right trigger to heavy strike! //Bruce: Look at his balls hanging down! (all laughing) //Adam: Oh that’s in her butt. //Yeah that’s definitely in her butt. //Adam: Alright, and that – that’s the face. //Bruce: Ouhhh…
//James: Eyy! //Adam: Oh dear… //Bruce: What happened to her boobs? //James: “Hello Boys!” //Bruce: Ew, gross. //Bruce: That’s Mass Effect. //Adam: Mortal Kombat. //Bruce: Mortal Kombat. //Adam: Dark Messiah. //Bruce: Dark Messiah. //Bruce: Which one’s the oily one on the right? //James: You could be describing any of them. //Adam: I think that’s Lara Croft. //James: Yeah I think that is
Lara Croft. //Bruce: She is oily. //James: Oh is that what you become? That’s Saints Row. //Adam: Yeah. //Bruce: Yeah, you’re right it is. //Bruce: So those must be the Dark Messiah demons. //James: Oh, I see, I see. //Bruce: So Dark Messiah dancers. //Adam: There’s something going on –
//James: Look at the attention to detail – //James: – look yeah, there’s something going on the background, and there’s a van. //Bruce: Is this Kane & Lynch? //Adam: Yeah. //James: There gotta be more than that. //Bruce: I don’t know…
//Adam: No – //Adam: It wasn’t that popular. //Bruce: Hold on, there’s a – there’s a Kane & Lynch, uhhh – another section of Rule 34 that you didn’t click on, without the underscores. //Bruce: There you go. //James: There we go! //James: Oh no! Not Chainsaw Lollipop. //Adam: Just go back to Kane there. //Adam: He’s got cool Oakleys. //Bruce: Is that in the video game though? //Lawrence: No, that wasn’t in there. //Bruce: What about that? //Adam: Don’t tell anyone –
//Lawrence: Yeah, that was in there. //Adam: Okay //James: This will be our little secret. //Adam: Aww… //James: WE’RE GAY TOGETHER! //Bruce: That one looks like you Adam. //Adam: It is me!
//James: It is Adam! //Adam: Why did they tag in Kane & Lynch? //Bruce: Wait, how did they know?
//Lawrence: Wow. //Bruce: Wait – //Bruce: Wait, wait, hold on a minute, hold on a minute. //Adam: Six months ago?! //Bruce: Is this – six months ago, I was about to say, did somebody watching our livestream? //Adam: Why – Why Kane & Lyn – //Adam: Wh –
//James: We did it! //Bruce: They made that 6 months ago. //James: We found him! //Bruce: They knew! //Elyse: Look at his tattoo. //James: They even did – //Bruce: They even added his tattoo! //Lawrence: And that perfect vein running along the top. //James: Aw man, that’s great. //Bruce: Adam, you should be proud. //Adam: I kn – I mean this isn’t a
Photoshop so whatever. //James: That’s amazing. //Adam: Wow, that’s so weird.
//James: Well… //James: That’s a winner. //Bruce: Nice job, nice job Rule 34.
//James: Way to go Adam. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)